Internal Rhyme of the Restless Mind

Reconcile

2012-02-01T19:54:00.006-05:00

I talk to statues for their words,

But even monoliths can lie.

I asked a deaf man what he heard,

But I recognized the answers

Before he could reply.

The chase is just a waste of time.

I plant the dead weeds in the stone,

But under moonlight they will thrive.

It's so intriguing how dead grows,

Treading ground much like a cancer,

Eating up what's left alive.

The end is such a friendly sight.

I'm breaking bread after I eat.

I'm hiding crumbs under my case.

I'm putting static on repeat,

And I'm begging for the let down.

I'm begging for the chase

To be over in the next town,

To be finished posthaste.

- afm

The Alex show - Episode 34

2012-01-30T03:48:00.003-05:00

Making ends meet is like juggling in the dark.
You might know the weight of it all,
You might even know the physics of it,
But without the comfort of sight,
You are helpless.

- afm

The Alex Show - Episode 33

2012-01-25T04:57:00.005-05:00

Somewhere along these lines I have lost sight of the big picture - assuming my body still lies within a canvas these days. I would certainly not be able to tell. Though my conscious moments tend to rupture with a most mystique exuberance, I find the pallet to be faded, somewhat outdated, and sadly berated. Where did I lose sight? Then again, was it even my own sight that created the frame? I know the answers to these questions. Whether I wrote them or not, I am forced to forget until the idea of remembrance is long forgotten. Ten. Ten Commandments. Ten demands. Ten guidelines.

ASIDE: Even though the lines have been drawn, surely I can be my own guide.

I have longed to escape these boundaries. I have not been the one to make them, yet I have restored their purpose. To move off topic from this extended metaphor would only further prove my point, so I must awaken from this coma and from this fabricated comatose. How can a blind man sleep for so long when there is hardly a difference between dream and reality? If the canvas is painted black, it need not matter if the man is asleep or if he is blind. Regardless of which state I am presently in, I must urge myself to awaken. It is the only option I have, for if I am asleep, my will can prevail, and if I am blind, then it is no question as to why I lost my direction.

Revelation: A blind man can easily differentiate between dream and reality, for in dreams, he regains his sight.

- afm

Monoliths End

2011-11-09T22:18:00.003-05:00

The wolves at night are nowhere to be found.

There's not a single howl.

There's not a single sound.

All this calm is driving me insane.

I call for clouds to come

To come and bring the rain,

But rain won't fall when you tell it to.

You cannot be brazen with a maker's view.

Control what's around you.

February, you were oh so very cold,

Kept the young and hid the old.

How was I supposed to know?

February, I could never let you go.

You kept a fraction of the whole.

Now I'm missing part m'soul.

The sky at night is nowhere to be seen.

The shades of blue and gold

Are now a blackened screen.

And if I die before I sleep

I pray the earth my body keep.

Control me, control you.

February, you were oh so very cold,

Kept the young and hid the old.

How was I supposed to know?

February, I could never let you go.

You kept a fraction of the whole.

Now I'm missing part m'soul.

Threatened by Legend

2011-07-31T05:42:00.005-04:00

Call it legend when the cameras decode my face.

No matter how portrayed, it won't change.

Congratulations, you have won nothing.

My existence can't abate all the reasons you're afraid.

I thought I had you when the road cut short.

Oh, Deceiver, I've deceived you,

So now I'm pleased to disbelieve you.

Pray you nevermore have the strength to reach the shore

'Cause once you're back I'll settle the score.

Pray you evermore that I'm locked behind this door

'Cause once I'm out I will even up the score.

Call it legend that the door can break.

No matter how portrayed, my body still remains

Untouched, unscathed by any blade.

Design a barricade to keep my will at bay.

Pray you nevermore have the strength to reach the shore

'Cause once you're back I'll settle the score.

Pray you evermore that I'm locked behind this door

'Cause once I'm out I will even up the score.

I can't believe this,

A bane with no disdain,

Infected by the source from which it came.

Define a curse.

I'm well rehearsed with breathing fiction.

Provide me my addiction

To break hearts beyond repair.

I am blessed to breathe your air.

I am blessed to breathe you in.

I am blessed.

My blood is cold.

My bones are old,

But you still have them.

- afm

Secondary Surface

2011-07-25T03:22:00.003-04:00

The waves create a comely scene,

A sighting so inviting that no living man can seem

To gaze away. Though once pristine,

That brilliant shore is nothing more

Than a gorgeous fallacy.

Move faster.

Disaster is right on course,

And Nature shows no signs of remorse.

Take shelter in this casket.

Decorate the catacombs.

No grave can be a home

If you're digging on your own.

The virgin ground is pure and sound,

But silence can be violent when it forces noise to drown.

The margins have been crossed,

And all is lost in the flittering of dust,

So now we must find solid-ground.

Move faster.

Disaster is right on course,

And Nature shows no signs of remorse.

Take shelter in this casket.

Decorate the catacombs.

No grave can be a home

If you're digging on your own.

In exile, you'll wonder

How you wandered this far,

How you crawled in the dark.

Unabashed by all your faults,

Unaware of all your flaws

In the darkness you will crawl back home.

You'll crawl back home,

And dig that grave all on your own.

- afm

As Dionysus Once Told Me

2011-07-03T22:42:00.004-04:00

Fight water with fire;

You'll drown out the fuse.

Fight water with water;

You'll never win, you'll never lose.

You played it safe.

Now slip into the deluge.

Hold on forever;

Your arms will surely fall.

Stand strong forever;

Impossible. You need to fall,

So rest your limbs

Or lose them all.

Weep over your mother;

Your tears won't give her life.

Sleep off them tremors;

Once you wake, you're numb inside.

So lay back down

If you're so set to die.

Fight water with fire,

You'll drown out the fuse.

Fight water with water,

You'll never win, you'll never lose.

You'll never change.

No, you can't be saved.

You needn't pray

When it's the gods who fix the duels.

Code Burgundy

2011-06-16T17:05:00.005-04:00

Cease from quoting biblical lines.

Forging faith won't wake you.

Open your eyes and still you'll find

A spectral view.

Lucid dreams are confusing my mind.

Keeping clean cannot redeem my life

If it's real this time.

Send the elders to bed with cryptic words.

If they talk don't listen.

Denying the truth can't be deferred

When it's the lie you're missing.

Lucid dreams are confusing my mind.

Keeping clean cannot redeem my life

If it's real this time.

Beside reality,

Mixing present with past and past with fantasy,

Tangled in allusion/illusion,

I fixate on nothing but a cherished dream.

Hypnotize my untrained eyes.

I'm dying to sleep.

I'm dying to...

Lucid dreams are confusing my mind.

Keeping clean cannot redeem my life

If it's real this time.

Lucid dreams are consuming my mind.

Keeping clean cannot redeem my life

If it's real this time.

- afm

Abyssal Floor

2011-06-15T18:48:00.005-04:00

Break from this once stable structure.
Earn the right to be sought out, not cast aside.
A tentative thought will carry you off,
So note to ignore the faintest cry.

Every letter is circled.
Every line rings a bell.
All the numbers are missing,
But when it's solved it will tell
Where the body lies,
And where your head resides.

You're biding all your time
In hoping to recall
The absence in your mind
That emptiness installed.
When was the merger signed?
Who made the curtain call?
Where are your thoughts confined?

We sat in eminence
While laughing at the cancer (at the cancer).
Here's to getting better.
We sat and reminisced
While knowing that the cancer (that the cancer)
Would erase us here and after.

Take the floor out from under.
Take my depleted mind.
See if some other home can be made out of stone
Aside from my heart and my eyes.

You're biding all your time
In hoping to recall
The absence in your mind
That emptiness installed.
When was the merger signed?
Who made the curtain call?
Where are your thoughts confined?

We sat in eminence
While laughing at the cancer (at the cancer).
Here's to getting better.
We sat and reminisced
While knowing that the cancer (that the cancer)
Would erase us here and after.

I've been fighting for too long.
I'm praying to prolong what impends around the bend.
We've had time, but now it's gone.
I'm praying to transcend, though I know you will descend.

- afm

Climbing Trees & Scraping Knees (live acoustic)

2011-05-17T05:47:00.002-04:00

She places feet on tile sheet and sinks under pride,
But not an ounce of diffidence will show.
The shower seems to make her scream, she puts it aside
Until her frozen feet are fully clothed.
Her body is a prize no living man can claim.
Her conscience has started to roam.
Adoration at its best is the only thing to blame.
Her headdress accustoms her robe,
But she's getting so tired of it.

He wears a suit, but what's the use? It's all that he has
To show the crowd that suits are suiting him.
He must report the sleeves are short. He's not fitting in
To clothes or jobs in which he must look trim.
So he's shaving off his beard and saving all his dough
To purchase new slacks and bright ties.
But once his hair had disappeared, his woe began to grow.
He purchased pseudo acts and white lies,
And he's getting so tired of it.

What is left for chance or for fate?
All the hands I shake feel the same.
The hooks I stole to reel them in.
The taste of blood, the touch of skin.
Is it all worth something in the end?
'Cause I'm getting so tired of it.

- afm

Hello, My Name is Goodbye

2011-03-14T15:08:00.003-04:00

revised:

- afm

The Alex Show - Episode 32

2011-03-12T04:37:00.001-05:00

No matter how hard we try to control what is around us, we cannot stop the earth from spinning.

- afm

WyteBoi West

2011-02-08T05:21:00.006-05:00

yeah, i dun it

- afm

The Alex Show - Episode 31

2011-02-04T22:31:00.003-05:00

You're right, the past is past; it doesn't really matter at the end of the day. And it's not who you were back then, it's who you are now. Truth is, that's nothing to me. You're just a second view.

- afm

Misconstrued

2011-01-29T23:32:00.010-05:00

... up.

I sleep inside my boneless hide.

I fake what I have felt.

My mouth is Jekyll, my mind is Hyde.

I jump from pelt to pelt.

I never gave it

chance to grow.

I cut with words misused.

The syllables have all been thrown,

The meanings all abused.

I lie to lie. A hide to hide

A place I called myself,

But if one's to place as if to lie

Then where might be one's self?

If you carry the carriage,

Or something or other,

Then are you the carriage, too?

For marriage is merry until they both bury

The barraged, tired truth:

all

fall

down

sometimes.

all

fall

down

differently

and

different

speeds,

But

always

land

the

end.

Always.

A merry marriage: A mirage?

Who is

to say?

All I know is that I don't know anything for certain.

All I know is that I have yet to take away much

And still be able to smile

When

I look...

-afm

The Alex Show - Episode 30

2011-01-21T00:41:00.003-05:00

An unexpected proposal! A cure for the itch? There is no way of knowing and only one way to find out: jump.

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

____: Proposal:

__________
__________
__________

You get: A jump.

Alex:

However, I am dying to go! The core of me wants to do this. Before I take this jump, though, I need a push... a strong push... maybe several.

____: I think it's cool that the core of you wants something it doesn't even know really, but if you're pushed it's not a jump... it's a fall.

Alex: Fine, not a push. More like a boost, if you will. A boost can resort in a lot of things. For all you know, a boost means I will jump farther than I could without one.

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

____: Ya know, I thought about it, and it does not matter if you jump or fall, either way you will come back down.

Alex: You never know. Maybe I'll jump higher than planned, and I'll escape this world and its gravitational pull. Maybe nothing will pull me back, and I can just float forever and eternity. Maybe.

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

Funny thing is, I sit here typing this when I should be jumping.

- afm

Lighters

2011-01-13T04:17:00.009-05:00

So Jessie got carded trying to buy a lighter. Since when does a person have to be eighteen or over to purchase a lighter in the state of Maryland? Can't a man light some candles on his grandma's 87th birthday cake without plowin' through a pack of matches that will indefinitely burn his fingers at least fourteen muvuckin times? Not if he's underage he can't! How is hipster Jimmy gonna light his incense now? He can't! Great, Maryland. Just fuckin' great. For all I know, little Susie is gonna waltz into her local CVS tryin' to buy some matches because 7-11 wouldn't sell her a lighter, and she'll be friggin' arrested. Little kids everywhere tryna get their lighter fix. "Hey man, you got the fluid?" "Yeah, you got the dough?" Gosh. What is this world coming to? Five billion birds are falling out of the sky and shit, and I can't even buy a goddam lighter without a skeptical look from some dude with a towel on his head. You have a towel on your head, dude, so don't be givin' me that look!

A young brother tryna set the mood: he's got rose petals leading to the bed and shit. Even got a Marvin Gaye, Al Green mix playin' in the background, but the brother doesn't have any dimmers! Muvucka's like "Come in!" Girl starts stumblin' around in the goddam dark. What is he setting the mood for, rape?! Couldn't even have a candlelit dinner. Brother had to tie Christmas lights around the table. Worst date.

All I'm sayin' is, how you gonna chief without a fuckin' lighter? I love weed and all, but fuck marijuana. Proposition 420: LEGALIZE LIGHTERS! Gosh.

- afm

The Alex Show - Episode 29

2011-01-10T16:28:00.011-05:00

Lay: to put or place

Lie: to rest or relax

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

Alex: Calendars are changing, the world is changing, yet I remain steady. I know it is a bittersweet thing. There is good and bad in everything I do and do not do. I've just been so tired lately. There is a pulse in my brain that I wish to squish, and a pulse in my heart that has yet to start. I feel like a dead vehicle. I still run, I simply need a jump. A jump would be nice. Maybe I'll land someplace new, maybe someplace familiar, or maybe I won't land at all. Maybe I'll fall. To be honest, I wouldn't mind falling. The good thing about falling is that you do not have to move, gravity does everything for you.

_____:

So here I am wanting to jump and fall at the same time, debating which idea is better, knowing that it doesn't matter because I will more than likely end up in the same place: lying.

_____:

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

Lie: to intentionally deceive

- afm

Top Albums of 2010

2010-12-08T11:52:00.008-05:00

My top 10 of '10!

10) Haunt What's Left

by This or the Apocalypse

Sophomore albums are usually the pivotal point for any band. It is the album that either opens doors for an interminable musical career, or the album that carries a band away into the vast land of, "Look what I once did before I got my management position in the fast food business." It is the make or break record. Luckily for This or the Apocalypse, their second effort, Haunt What's Left, is proving that this Lancaster five-piece is here to stay.

After pushing their debut record, Monuments, in 2008, TOTA was swiftly acknowledged throughout the metal world for their interweaving syncopated riffs, captivating guitar leads and powerful vocal approach. This sound was only further accented in their live show, and it was more than enough to grasp the attention of Lamb of God's drummer, Chris Adler, who ended up producing the new record alongside Josh Wilbur (Atreyu/A7x). From the snooty bands and producers within the industry to the pre-teens who hate their dads and do not know how to play a power chord yet, everyone will tell you that there are 87 billion sub genres in metal. Regardless of whichever "type" of metal music you so pompously indulge in, TOTA's latest release will appeal to any metal fan.

Haunt What's Left opens without a breath, and immediately attacks you with "Charmer," easily the album's most forceful song. The pace is tempered only for a short, ambient introduction before "Subverse" explodes with a djent infused riff and my

favorite guitar lead on the record. Unlike the brief, ominous moment in the opening track, "Subverse" repeatedly displays one of the defining changes for TOTA: clean, melodic vocals. Usually when metal bands decide to incorporate singing after not previously doing so, it is a frightening risk. Fortunately for frontman, Ricky Armellino, his melodies and memorable hooks sound like something he should have been incorporating on all past recordings. In fact, his vocals on this album greatly differ from those on Monuments - all for the better, of course. Though his growls may have been more powerful on their last record, they became monotonous to the point where if it weren't for the music, you could not differentiate between songs. On Haunt What's Left, however, Armellino's signature yelps and desperate spoken-word chants transcend far beyond anything he has previously done vocally.

I could easily go through this record track by track and ramble on about how each song offers something new and refreshing to the metal scene. From the almost pop-punk feel of "Laminade," to the perfect mix of metalcore riffs and hard, djenty grooves of "Toro"

and "Deadringer," this band will baffle listeners and musical peers alike when rem

embering that this is only their sophomore release. In all honesty, This or the Apocalypse should have given this record the same name as their first, for Haunt What's Left is nothing short of monumental.

9) My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

by Kanye West

DISCLAIMER: You do not have to like an artist personally in order to enjoy their music! For instance, I do not condone all of the allegations and "pop-aganda" that revolved around Michael Jackson, but that does not discount him as one of my favorite performers and singers of all time. Kanye West is nowhere near approaching my top ten artists of all time list (he can't even see the peak from where he is standing), but his brand new record, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, was certainly good enough to get him a spot in my top ten albums of the year.

The album begins and ends exactly the way the title insinuates: beautiful, dark and twisted. The only adjective West forgot to mention about his lyrical styling is "egotistical," but who doesn't already know that about him? Truth is, lyrics are not exactly Kanye's strong suit. I have always hailed him as a fantastical producer ever since I first heard his work on Jay-Z's The Blueprint back in 2001, and almost every beat he has made since then has been gold (in a figurative and music industry sense). Don't get me wrong, the man has some great one liners, but if you played a Jedi Mind Tricks or early Eminem album and tried to listen to Kanye go on and on about his black balls, chances are you're going to want to kick him in said region. On tracks like "Gorgeous," and "Power," however, his puns and wit truly shine through, but all in all, he is a producer at heart, and his beats will always overpower his lyrics. His other weakness is passing out verses left and right to his peers (Kid Cudi, Jay-Z, Nicki Minaj) only to be outdone in the end. Again, he compensates by purchasing the exceedingly expensive rights to songs and creating the most unimaginable collaboration of rhythms beneath them for his featured artists to perform.

It may sound as if I am ragging on Kanye to the extent that people are actually questioning why I have his album in my favorites. Well, much like any album I classify as "favorite," I got lost within it. This is a record that you can play in any surrounding only to discover that by its end you have been consumed within Kanye's world. Forget about fish sticks, self-proclomations of being the Messiah, and what he did to a poor, defenseless grown-ass woman. Give this record a chance, keep an open mind, and get lost in his.

8) Go

by Jónsi

Jónsi Birgisson isn't a household name by any means (mainly due to the fact that not many households can pronounce it correctly), but some of you may know him better as the guitarist and lead singer for Iceland's art-rock outfit, Sigur Rós. Since his band publicly announced an indefinite hiatus in early 2010, I was exceptionally relieved to hear that Jónsi had been planning a solo debut since the year before. On April 5, 2010, he released, Go. Though this album only features one element of the Sigur Rós writing team, it does not stray far from their typical feel and format: a long-playing decrescendo.

The album opens with "Go Do," a fully orchestrated upbeat song with metallic snare hits, and flailing strings and flutes similar to Sufjan Steven's compositions in Chicago. The song is the highlight of the album, and could easily be placed in either an opening or closing scene for any magical and/or inspirational film. It also showcases the major change in Jónsi's songwriting: his lyrics are now in English! You may be wondering why that is such a big deal, and in all honesty it really is not. His transient falsetto voice has previously sung only Icelandic dialect and gibberish in a language he has created. The point is, his voice is so voluminous and bright that he could be reciting Bill Cosby jokes, and I would still find it beautiful. Still, it is nice to actually read and hear his intended message on this album. On tracks like "Tornado," and "Grow Till Tall," the music alone could do all the talking. However, hearing Jónsi's voice deliver such lines as "You kill from the inside," has fully made him an all around threat to a person's well-being. Best of luck keeping your heart in your chest if you ever reach the end of this album.

p.s. If you are an insomniac, note that Jónsi can lull you to sleep better than any amount of Ambien. Enjoy.

7) Sir Lucious Left Foot... The Son of Chico Dusty

by Big Boi

After nine active years, four albums, and three Grammy wins together as a rap duo, Antwan "Big Boi" Patton and André "André 3000" Benjamin each decided to record solo albums and release them under their infamous band name, Outkast. The outcome was Speakerboxxx/The Love Below, which became the group's most eccentric musical endeavor and their greatest success, earning them three Grammy wins in 2004, including Album of the Year. Big Boi and Andre 3000 went on to produce two more successful Outkast albums, including a greatest hits album. However, regardless of all of their fame and success, the southern rappers set off to create their own solo albums, completely stripped from the anticipation and hype of the Outkast name. Enter: Big Boi - Sir Lucious Left Foot... The Son of Chico Dusty.

Though the album had its first single, "Royal Flush" all the way back in 2007, constant promotional videos for the record led to a successful international release in early July, 2010. "Shutterbug," the album's first official single, is a fantastic depiction of how well Big Boi can do on his own. The song features the most memorable beat, twisting verbal bass, handclaps, 70's funk guitar-styling, and the catchiest hook for any party or club. Though you may not know what a shutterbug is or how to groove like one, at least you know that this release brought Big Boi's career, "back to life, back to reality."

Other album highlights include "General Pattton," a song with charging choral arrangements and a heavy flow, truly proving Big Boi's rank in the rap world. "Fo Yo Sorrows," and, "Be Still," showcases the general's versatility. His snide references to pop-culture and quick, carnal wordplay only further exemplifies Big Boi's cleverness and whimsical charm. From beats to rhymes, from front to back, this is my favorite rap album not only of the year, but in a very long time. Play it at parties, and cut a rug.

6) Diamond Eyes

by Deftones

After their disappointingly redundant self-titled album and a push-the-envelop follow up that no one needed to hear, I truly thought the Deftone's had passed their prime. Rumors of a new and far more aggressive record started surfacing only a year after 2006's Saturday Night Wrist, but just as suddenly as a release date was about to be revealed, bassist Chi Cheng got into a horrific car accident. The accident tragically placed Cheng in a coma, stifling his continuance with his brothers in the Deftones and the release of their work in progress, Eros. Though the band respectively decided not to continue recording their record with Cheng, they were able to get their good friend Sergio Vega to jump on the bass, and deliver a brand new album. And deliver they did.

Much like any Deftones' album, Diamond Eyes erupts with a burst of down-tuned guitars, surging bass and cymbal crashes, and the haunting and haunted voice of Chino Moreno. The overall feel of the the record is more similar to their early sound in Around the Fur, but the difference of thirteen years, however, is evident not only in the band's song-writing capability, but in their delivery, as well. In fact, the thoroughly impressive songs on the album, such as "Beauty School," and "Sextape," depart from the typical nu-metal guitar style. The use of clean guitars with delay and intricate flowing arrangements is properly placed as Moreno's voice soars above a lone kick-drum. These two songs specifically allow any listener to hear how the band has grown not only as musicians, but as people.

Don't get me wrong, though, this album is a Deftone's album. It is heavy, dark and sexual even. There is always an underlying sexual message in Moreno's lyrics, and with a hint of distortion and his nefarious sounding delivery, I always feel like I'm doing something dirty and getting away with it when I listen to him sing. "Prince," is a perfect example of this feeling, as its offbeat rhythms and enigmatic bass lines make you want to love something only to destroy it later. Heavy hits with simplicity during, "CMND/CTRL," and "Rocket Skates." The Deftones have always been a band to prove that you don't need to escape the open, 1, 3, 5 chord progression in order to write a memorable, heavy riff. The highlight of the album is "Risk." From start to finish this song showcases everything that makes a Deftones song.

There is a constant sadness to Diamond Eyes even throughout its most aggressive parts. Maybe it is a reflection of all the hardships they encountered, especially while enduring the loss of a bandmate. At the end of the day, whether it was positive or negative, it is that desperation that fueled the fire to yet another classic Deftones album.

5) The Suburbs

by Arcade Fire

When I first started listening to the Arcade Fire several years back, I thought them to be the typical indie band: coffee shop friends + political ideas + a hint of musical genes = let's make some money by saying practically nothing and then drowning it out with an unwarranted amount of unknown instruments and over-engineering. Of course the Arcade Fire is doing it on a much larger (and far more talented) level than your everyday band - they're more on a Radiohead playing field than a band only your brother in middle school is talking about. Still, their two previous efforts, Funeral and Neon Bible, were both musically phenomenal, but wandered off from their central ideas, disabling them both from connecting as solid albums. The Suburbs, however, changes all of that.

First off, this album contains sixteen tracks. Sixteen tracks! What is this, a rap album?! Luckily, there are a couple interludes and multi-track songs that cut down the playtime a tad, but the truth is, when the record ends, it does not drain you the way other hour-plus records do. In fact, since The Suburbs sticks to a conceptual storyline inspired by

Win and Will Butler's upbringing in... the suburbs, it is easy to let their personal stories paint a decrepit picture. An ethereal piano melody is accompanied by light drums and a folksy acoustic guitar in the opening title track. A reoccurring chorus (the same chorus that closes the album in its reprise), fades out as the second track, "Ready to Start" begins. This is where the album truly takes off. Album highlights include, "Suburban War," "We Used to Wait," and "Empty Room," with its mesmerizing violins, celestial guitar tone, and dueling male and female vocal melodies.

After two critically acclaimed albums, it seems the Acrade Fire have done it yet again. Regardless of themes or lyrics or meaning, they created another successful album with one focus: writing good music. You're welcome, hipsters.

4) Periphery

by Periphery

Yes, I've been listening to this six-piece before they even had all six pieces. Yes, I already knew all of the songs on this album long before it was released. Yes, I know them by face and name, and yes, they do practice in my basement, but that does not mean I am including them on this list for any biased reasons. When you write good music, you write good music, and that's exactly what the members of Periphery do. In the world

of metal music, where a band is defined by how "brutal" their breakdowns are, how fast their fingers can play the same sweeps, or how alike their frontman sounds to a dying walrus, it is a relief to discover a band such as Periphery. Even their band name is somewhat misleading without the typical "Dying" or "Bloody" preface, and that separation is suiting because much like the neighborhood pharmacist, this band is a full step above the rest of their "peers." After a billion soundclick teasers and countless delays (namely due to their singer situation), this "traveling troupe of troubadours" finally released their debut, self-titled album... and the wait was more than worth it.

The main aspect of their song-writing that sets them apart from other "djent" bands on the scene, is that Periphery has three guitarists... and actually utilizes them! When polyrhythmic riffs would start becoming repetitive in a song, that is where they shine through with guitar layering and impressive 7 to 8-string lead work. Misha Mansoor AKA Bulb is not only the hailed guitarist and "djent" connoisseur of Periphery, he is also their producer. Having already produced several commercial albums, including one of my favorites on last year's list (Animals as Leaders), Mansoor has had plenty past experience recording, and had an ear for how he wanted his own band's album to sound (in retrospect, though, he was a little anal about it). The production of the record, however, turned out to be one of its best features, dumbing down the overwhelming and unwarranted blasts from demo versions to make room for the defining factor that solidifies Periphery's sound: clean vocals! I'm not talking background chants or terribly muffled, highly processed backup singing from a bassist or second guitarist. I'm talking about a frontman in a heavy metal band who can sing better than his scream (on record); a man who delivers powerful and memorable melodies minus the cheese. This element is a rarity that has only come to pass once before with Protest the Hero, but the notes chosen for the melodies and harmonies within a Periphery song push the bar higher than Rody is capable of reaching (both in range and creativity).

Normally I would highlight specific areas throughout a record where you can hear exactly what I love most about it, but that is yet another great thing about this band. Periphery fully and continually exhibits each member's talents without fighting for the spotlight, and in doing so, they were able to create an album that captivates their listeners from beginning to end. With the help of electronic intros and outros for each track, strangely formatted songs with prominent variation, and even a ridiculous skit in the middle of the record, this excessively long, 72-minute album is surprisingly an easy listen. Some may argue that this has all been done before and that they are ripping off of djent-infused bands of the past, but the truth is that no one is doing it quite like Periphery.

p.s. For a general idea of what this album has to offer, listen to, "Letter Experiment."

3) God Willin' & the Creek Don't Rise

by Ray LaMontagne

When it comes to modern day singer-songwriters, there are only a handful of artists out there that fully and steadily grasp my attention with every song on every album. One of these artists is Massachusetts's Ray LaMontagne, whose latest album, God Willin' & the Creek Don't Rise, has ahold of me with a serpentine squeeze. Since his debut in 2004, Ray LaMontagne has composed three critically acclaimed albums:Trouble (2004), Till the Sun Turns Black (2006), and Gossip in the Grain (2008). Though his venture into the mainstream musical world was silent and swift, his signature raspy voice and honest lyrical approach has made LaMontagne an emphatic Folk artist.

The first note to be made about God Willin', is that it is LaMontagne's first release credited to a collaboration of other artists. The Pariah Dogs consists of his live band: Eric Heywood (guitars, pedal steel), Greg Leist (guitars, lap steel), Jay Bellerose (drums), and Jennifer Condos (bass). The album is also LaMontagne's first undertaking as producer, and was recorded in his home within the span of two weeks. Fortunately for him, this change wasn't all too drastic, and his best attributes were still captured.

The album starts off with "Repo Man," which is my least favorite song on the record. With a cheesy guitar line straight out of a cheap 80's porno, and lyrics such as, "I'm 'bout to do what your daddy should have done, I'm gonna lay you right across my knee," LaMontagne comes off more like a creepy uncle than a man taking a stand. This is the "jam band" song of God Willin', the song that's fun to play live, but sounds like your father going through a mid-life crisis, attempting to write music with his old college buddies. Luckily, Ray and the Pariah Dogs get it out of their system, and with the execption of those first six minutes the album evolves into one of LaMontange's most personal and resonant work.

Throughout the record, LaMontagne's effortless, yet somehow powerful whisper, creates an ever-changing dynamic that most artists cannot offer. In "Old Before Your Time," and the album's title track, he sounds like a folk/pop legend, then suddenly he shifts to a soulful cross between Otis Redding and Al Green in "This Love Is Over." His voice alone is enough to painfully pull at the heartstrings, but once you start thoroughly listening to his lyrical content, especially in, "Are We Really Through," you'll be lucky to get out of bed in the morning. Just before the full-band, bluesy closer, "Devil's in the Jukebox" marches through your stereo, "Like Rock & Roll and Radio," calmly advances. Imogen Heap (Frou Frou) once wrote, "Music is worthless unless it can make a complete stranger breakdown and cry." This is where Ray LaMontagne truly excels, and this stripped down album highlight only further proves that his voice, lyrics and delivery make him one of the most heart-wrenching singer-songwriters of our time.

It can be argued that God Willin' & the Creek Don't Rise is far from Montagne's strongest work, but it was certainly enough to earn him a spot on numerous critics' favorite album lists and his first three Grammy nominations (Song Of The Year – “Beg Steal Or Borrow”, Best Contemporary Folk Album, Best Engineered Album, Non-Classical). Though his work is becoming well renowned, at the end of the day Ray LaMontange is a simple man. He is a man who has lived and loved and lost, but what sets him aside from the rest of us - and his fellow peers in the music industry - is his ability to portray those common themes through some of the most sincere and heartfelt songs ever written.

2) Contra

by Vampire Weekend

Ever since we were little our parents and kindergarten teachers have asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Most of us excitingly replied, "an astronaut," or "a fireman," or "a rockstar," unaware that someday soon we would come to face with the real world, and much like our parents' fabrications of Santa Claus and the tooth fairy, our dreams and aspirations would start to unravel, as well. And so we succumb to early morning groans, hour-long commutes, merciless amounts of school work - you know, the daily grind - and by the time we reach high school graduation, our salary becomes the dream, not the love for what we wish to do. Fast-forward to your final year at an Ivy League school. You're finishing up your studies, ecstatic to pick up your diplomat license plates when all of a sudden... you and your friends remember your youth and decide to be rockstars instead. Enter: Vampire Weekend.

I must admit, I was extremely resentful to hear that a group of students from Columbia University (that had formed only a couple years prior to their debut release) were having such immediate success. Two years after avoiding their vastly popular self-titled album at any cost, I saw Vampire Weekend's second album,Contra, on sale in my local record store. Positive that they were nothing more than a fleeting fad in a perpetually competitive industry, I bought the record with a smirk on my face, sure of the fact that it would be a flop. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Since I refused to listen to their previous attempt (with the exception of their feature in the movie, Step Brothers), I had no idea what to expect. However, from the moment I pressed play and heard the jaunty synths mixed with African-esque beats and quirky vocals about my favorite Latin American beverage, I was in love with this band. One of Contra's major strengths lies within singer Ezra Koenig's unique vocal styling. His dog-like yeps on "Cousins" and his tastefully auto-tuned coos on "White Sky" would naturally be the gimmicks that turn me away from any frontman, but like I said, it is well-placed and tastefully done. Normally when a band has a strong vocalist, the other members tend to dumb down the rest of the accompaniment. This is not the case for Vampire Weekend. Without drowning out Koenig's unforgettable melodies and clever wordplay, the band consistently writes intricate synth arrangements, syncopated drum rhythms, and catchy bass lines.

Vampire Weekend also allows a fair amount of added production through an array of horn parts and light orchestration. Lively trumpets carry the instrumental chorus to "Run," the album's most distinguished song, while songs like "Horchata" and "California English" are moved by sprightly strings. Though the band incorporates music that cannot entirely be performed live without the addition of numerous instruments, there are still straight-forward rock songs on the album such as the short-lived, "Holiday" and the fast paced single, "Cousins." The track that sticks out like a sore thumb is the electro-rock ballad, "Giving Up the Gun." Though it dramatically changes the feel of the consistently unorthodox, spirited sound of Contra, a choir-like chant, otherworldly guitar tone, and Koenig's metaphors of caving in makes this song the album's highlight. The only mild disappointment is the closing track, "I Think UR a Contra," which doesn't leave the audience with any sense of closure, but more with an expectant feeling of what's to come. Then again, maybe that's a good thing.

Contra is hands down one of the most fun and intelligent push-the-envelop indie records I have ever had the pleasure of coming across. It only makes sense that the members of Vampire Weekend attended an Ivy League school before becoming a band. Writing and producing music of this complexity would be utterly impossible without such intellect. Regardless of their roots or sky-scraping IQ's, it is Vampire Weekend's music that has allowed them to become one of the most successful modern rock outfits of the last couple years.

1) Blue Sky Noise

by Circa Survive

Prelude: It is 2004. It is morning. I am on the bus heading to school with one of my oldest childhood friends. He is listening to his mp3 player and snickering, shaking his head as if someone told him a distasteful, yet hilarious racist joke. He removes his earphones, and with a serious and expectant look, asks me what I think of think of this metal band and their female vocalist. I insert the headphones, and I am immediately floored by her robust, yet sexy wails and surprisingly good scream (most female vocalists cannot pull it off). I tell him that I really dig their sound, and I ask him who they are. He informs me, "Their name is Saosin. Oh, and the singer's a dude."

Anyone who knows me is already aware that I am on Circa Survive's nuts harder than Kanye West is on his own dick. Before Anthony Green even founded the Philadelphia-based quintet alongside his good friend, Colin Frangicetto, I was listening to his old bands and side projects, anything with his voice on it. His tone strikes a nerve in me that no other vocalist (including Michael Jackson) could ever hit. I cannot describe it, I do not understand it, and that is fine by me. All I know is that I think his voice is sexy, and that is not something I am ashamed of admitting. However, none of his other musical endeavors came remotely close to complimenting his haunting, alto range the way Circa Survive does. When I first heard their debut album,Juturna, I was riding home after I had just broken up with my first girlfriend. Point is, their sound was so remarkably impacting, that I still know exactly where I was when I first heard it and exactly how it made me feel - breakup aside. Three tracks into Juturna I knew that this would forever be my favorite band.

Now, I know what you're thinking, and let me be the first to tell you that my love for this band and their first two albums does not make this review biased in the least! The biggest difference between Blue Sky Noise and their previous efforts is... everything. Circa Survive started their career on Equal Vision Records and recorded both Juturna and On Letting Go with the same producer, Brian McTernan (Thrice/Darkest Hour). When their contract with EVR was up, they decided to switch to a major label (Atlantic) and work with the finely polished, mainstream producer, David Bottrill (Muse/Silverchair). Even the mixing was done by high-end engineer, Rich Costey (Audioslave/Interpol). Though these all seem like fantastic upgrades for a talented and deserving post-rock outfit, I wasn't only skeptical that the major label switch was going to change Circa's sound for the worse... I was positive of it. By Fall of 2009, over a year had passed since the band started the writing process for their new album. I was positive that they had taken too long overanalyzing every aspect about the album, and that there would be a strongly noticeable mainstream influence from the new label and producers. I was positive that I was not going to like this record. Well, only fools are positive.

Upon first listen, I missed the point to Blue Sky Noise. I couldn't believe that my favorite band recorded an album I did not understand. Of course, I was not ready to give up on them that easily, so I listened a second time. I realized I liked it, especially, "Glass Arrows." The entire song was written in a 5/4 time signature, and with its interweaving guitar leads, groovy bass line and crazy drum fills, it reminded me of Circa's earlier work on Juturna. I gave the album a third listen, and miraculously something clicked. The songs that I originally disliked became the ones that I enjoyed the most. Though it may not be as intricate and instrumentally impressive as other Circa songs, "I Felt Free," hit home with me. The way Green belts out the song title during the epic chorus gave me chills, and the bands appropriate accompaniment throughout the song along with the mild string arrangement toward the end makes it a radio-worthy hit. Another highlight is, "Frozen Creek," a song where Green's range and the guitar lead during the chorus perfectly blend together, creating a sound that can only be described as magical. My favorite song on the album is actually a combination of the last two tracks, "Compendium," which serves as an intro to "Dyed in the Wool." This closing track is probably one of the most beautifully written songs I have ever heard. It is the perfect album closer, leaving the listener with an uneasy sadness, yet a feeling of aspiration to do something about it.

I could write an essay on each song if you truly wanted to hear my opinions on them, but instead I'll just share a response I posted to one of their guitarists, Colin Frangicetto, the day after the album was released:

"Music aside, this is why I love Circa Survive. The sincerity so purely rooted in you is hard to come by in almost anyone, let alone someone who possesses such amazing talent. It is unfathomable to think how insightful your words can be while still remaining humble and true. In that sense, your music cannot be cast aside in the point I am trying so desperately to make. Circa Survive is not merely a band to me, it is an idea, an idea to take everything that is simple within this life and discover the beauty in it, and most importantly to appreciate that beauty in the short time that we have it. In the past six years - I cannot believe it has been that long! - the five of you have influenced my life in far too many ways to list. Thank you for everything you have shown me. Thank you for everything you have given me. Thank you for creating, sharing, and continuing Circa Survive."

- afm

Well, that's my list! Here are a few honorable mentions that didn't make the top ten:

Massive Attack - Heligoland
Veil of Maya - [id]
V.V. Brown - Traveling Like the Light
Foxy Shazam - Foxy Shazam
Beach House - Teen Dream
Eminem - Recovery
Chiodos - Illuminaudio
Interpol - Interpol
Janelle Monáe - The Archandroid
The Bled - Heat Fetish

Please feel free to share your favorite albums of the year, too!

Circa Rampage

2010-11-26T07:38:00.001-05:00

- afm

Restless Legs Syndrome

2010-11-02T03:03:00.006-04:00

In that ghastly fog,
Past the monstrous mountain,
We'll find solace thereupon
The wind.

Our hands are feeding cold.
Our minds are starved for fear.
We'll find malice in our bones.
We'll take action.

As the moon grows,
Time slows.

Poseidon's comatose
Won't negate his deathly grip.
Without our jointed limbs
He'll sink this ship.

I'm barely comfortable
With fighting off your sin.
I wouldn't want you in
My skin.

As the moon grows,
Time slows.

Deep within sleep
She carried her feet
Beneath the water.
When the ship sank
We both walked the plank.
I just had to find her.

- afm

Pink Elephant

2010-10-25T07:07:00.003-04:00

Five hundred twenty-one days since I saw you last.

I can't even count the ways that I have made you laugh.

My tucked-in shirt is no surprise. My tuckered face is pure disguise.

The camera's off anyways.

Are you wanting more tonight?

All the passengers arrive. They solved their fighting at the show.

After darkness comes the light, so we're hiding, still, still against the row.

My succession was unjust. My possessions turn to rust.

The cabinet's locked anyways.

Are you wanting more tonight?

Follow. Sneak a look.

Follow. Catch that crook.

Are you wanting more tonight?

- afm

Fire at Crimson Lake

2010-10-20T18:50:00.004-04:00

Open casket, burning coals.

All the medals that you won have been sold.

Sure enough we lost the whole.

Our fire was extinguished by the cold.

Open window, broken home.

Are you turning insides out? Are you turning cold yourself?

Sure enough we're left alone.

Take my picture off your shelf.

I am holier without you.

Open meadow, crimson lake.

"Drift away until you see them pearly gates."

Sure enough you will soon wake.

You'll wake up to a fiery grave.

I'll enjoy the world we made without you.

As you dance amongst the flames,

I'll enjoy the world I've made without you.

- afm

The Alex Show - Episode 28

2010-10-04T23:30:00.003-04:00

It won't be easy. It won't happen over night, but one day you'll realize that not every man has fire in his heart waiting for your kerosene tears to burn you both down.

- afm

Diamonds Are A Man's Dead End

2010-09-21T21:16:00.004-04:00

The traffic lights are colorized.
They tell you when or not to drive.
The children are not looking. The officer is booking
Booking up his handouts and his fines.

So let it go now. Let it show now that you gave up the fight.
On the way out if you have doubts, speed through the red light,
And take the wheel for the first time in your life.

The plastic ring must be tied.
It's been broken several times.
Mistaken for the others, replaced it with another,
But you never noticed my disguise.

So let it go now. Let it show now that you gave up the fight.
On the way out if you have doubts, speed through the red light,
And take the wheel for the first time in your life.

Your face is getting older. My feet are getting colder.
I'd rather warm them up and run, and dodge bullets from dad's gun.
My heart's more like a boulder with feelings I must smolder
Without a flame or sun or the love from someone.

So let me go now. Let it show now that you gave up the fight.
On the way out if you have doubts, speed through the red light,
And take the wheel for the first time in your life.

- afm

These Buildings Won't Be Here Forever

2010-09-21T00:12:00.007-04:00

Maybe the Spring will come tomorrow and bring the rain.
Maybe I'll learn to drown my sorrow in the puddles again.
They say clouds don't look as gray when standing from faraway,
But they do. They do.

If a cast-iron lung is breathing water in
Then my little heart has sunk down to the bottom again.
They say sunken hearts resurface, they can't die herein,
But they do. They do.

All the busy streets and hurried feet are running on ice.
The bidders in the coffee shop are naming their price.
No, they don't think twice about it if they lose,
But they do. They do.

In the Fall the leaves will fall
As the trees stand up tall.
In the coming years they'll become souvenirs to the earth.
They'll disappear. You'll forget their worth.

They're now the ground that holds the trees up.
They're now the ground upon which you and I walk on.

Maybe the Spring will come tomorrow and bring the rain.
Maybe I'll learn to drown my sorrow in the puddles again.
They say clouds don't look as gray when you scare them away.
Paint 'em blue. Paint 'em blue.

- afm

The Hand That Feeds You

2010-09-18T20:45:00.004-04:00

I threw nickles at his cage to better my aim, but all the bars were closed.
I don't suppose I've shown you. I don't suppose I know you.
I gave it my best shot, as I watched him slowly decompose.
I don't suppose I've tried you. I don't suppose you know

Bad love. Better luck next time.
Though I wasn't trying, I fed the lion.
I thought he was a friend of mine.

All the garbage you throw over the fence to his nose may as well be my next feast.
I don't suppose you meant to. I don't suppose I lent you
A self-serving of slop from the local bucket shop to help tame the beast.
I don't suppose you disposed of your clothes after walking the streets, little piggy.

Bad love. Better luck next time.
Though I wasn't trying, I fed the lion.
I thought he was a friend of mine.

Bad love. Better luck next time.
Though I wasn't trying, I ate the lion.
No, he ain't no friend of mine.

Hah hah hah
That's the wrenching sound of bars twisting.
Are you listening as the drenched cloth pulls you in?
How can something so soft be the material that wins?
I must be used to using something that never thins.

- afm

The One-Eyed Man

2010-09-06T18:26:00.008-04:00

I was trying to warn you
Of the masquerade before you.
That sweet smell of perfume
Is yet another scented costume
Trying so hard to consume
The bodies that fill up the room.
Swallow them down
Till there's no one around to assume
That it was me, that we could be
The target and the thief.
Can you believe that what you see
Is suspending disbelief?
Well, if love is considered blind,
Then your eyes are fading white.

I was a boundless traveler.
I was a body snatcher
Carrying all my treasure,
Yet caring for no one after
I had fulfilled my pleasure.
My lust will surpass your stature,
So swallow me down
Till there's no one around to measure
That it was me, that we could be
The target and the thief.
Can you believe that what you see
Is suspending disbelief?
Well, if love is considered blind,
Then your eyes are fading white.

Past the corridor on the second floor
Beneath the window
You'll find two sets of keys:
One is for you and one is for me,
But none of them are for keeps
If love is blind.

Your eyes have faded white.

- afm

Youtube

2010-08-13T15:16:00.000-04:00

I want to make a bunch of videos like this.

- afm

Pay No Mind

2010-07-15T21:15:00.005-04:00

Maybe someday when you're with me I'll be dancing.
I'll stop pretending that the TV is romantic.
Maybe someday when you're with me you'll be mesmerized,
But I don't think you mind.

Maybe someday when you're with me I'll be sober.
We'll drink coffee in the morning not hungover.
Maybe someday when you're with me I'll be fine to drive,
But I don't think you mind.
No, I don't think you mind.
Maybe 'cause you're not mine.

Maybe someday when you're with me I'll be famous.
The idea of loving me won't be outrageous.
Maybe someday when you're with me our names will shine,
But I don't think you mind.
No, I don't think you mind.
Maybe 'cause you're not mine.

Walter's Linkin Park “The Catalyst” Contest

2010-07-15T07:28:00.001-04:00

My man, Walter J Huaman, is competing to be on the next Linkin Park album. Please check out his version of "The Catalyst," and vote, vote, vote!

- afm

Walter's Linkin Park “The Catalyst” Featuring You Contest – Presented by MySpace Music Submission - Indaba Music

Marionettes

2010-07-14T19:56:00.007-04:00

Don't stop your crying.
I love the sound you make
When the tears upon your face are close to drying,
And that frigid heart of stone starts to break.

All the words you tried to say won't emit
As they fall down all the way to the pith
Of a body that once moved in compliance
To the strings I pulled it with.

Don't stop your lying.
I love the face you make
When you raise your upper lip while denying
That as you speak your voice starts to shake.

All the words you tried to say won't emit
As they fall down all the way to the pith
Of a body that once moved in compliance
To the strings I pulled it with.

I'll play you.
I'll play you for a fool.
I'll play you for a fool, and you'll buy it.
Then I'll cut all the strings I pulled you with.

- afm

Young Sparrow

2010-07-10T21:48:00.004-04:00

Young sparrow flies above the fervid skies
Hoping that her wing don't catch flame.
Young sparrow tries, tries to recognize
That heat from the sun just ain't the same
As the sparrow down on her plain.
She don't know how warm she could have been
Next to him.

The arrow flies up into the skies,
But someone from below had taken aim.
Young sparrow dies, dies within the skies
Before she ever felt the ground again
Or the warmth of that sparrow on the plain.
She don't know how warm she could have been
Next to him.

Young sparrow on the plain.
She don't know how warm she could have been.

- afm

Two Eyes

2010-07-08T06:27:00.001-04:00

I am a monster. I ruin things on numerous accounts for innumerable people. I effortlessly move on with no intention to persist, yet I never desist. I am a monster, and I will never rest until you are distressed, deserted in a diverted mess.

- afm

Falling Deeper

2010-07-01T16:12:00.003-04:00

This is rapture at its best.
I was captured and arrested
By the very arms that I was running from.
This is weight upon my chest
And it continues to press
Down on my beatin' heart and barren, beaten lungs.

Somehow I find it grand
That the cuffs around my wrists feel like hands.
I can hardly stand
'Cause I'm falling deeper in.
Yeah, I'm falling deeper in.

She looks like heaven from above.
It feels like I never felt love until now.

Every day is moving slower
Than the last. I swear my calendar
Is just a giant checker board to them.
I bet she's worth the three to four,
But is it love I'm waiting for?
Captivation is the reason I'm condemned.

Somehow I find it grand
That the cuffs around my wrists feel like hands.
I can hardly stand
'Cause I'm falling deeper in.
Yeah, I'm falling deeper in.

She looks like heaven from above.
It feels like I never felt love until now.

Somehow I find it hard
To believe that bliss can leave a person scarred.
Somewhere beyond these bars
Is a girl I'd call a keeper.
That's why I'm falling deeper.

She looks like heaven from above.
It feels like I never felt love until now.

- afm

A Comedy

2010-07-01T00:18:00.002-04:00

The flowers on our bedsheets are withering.
With one more wash they'll be lost for good.
I'm shaking out the brush while dithering
In fear, for the colors aren't so clear where they stood.
Maybe you should have thrown down the extra cash.

Or maybe I'm a prick. Maybe I'm tired,
Tired of lying to the only one who knew
All the truths I pushed aside.

The dishes in the sink are drying on their own,
But no one ever said that they were clean.
Are we past the point of trying? Will we just end up buying
A brand new dining set for a different home?
Maybe you should have drowned the porcelain.

Or maybe I'm a prick. Maybe I'm tired,
Tired of lying to the only one who knew
All the truths I pushed aside.

On the counter top you found my ring.
I didn't have pockets on my jeans.
I swear my lungs were never built to sing,
But I'll try once more tonight
To twist wrong into right.

Yeah, maybe I'm a prick. Maybe I'm tired,
Tired of lying to the only one who knew
All the truths I pushed aside.

- afm

It's Not Up To You

2010-06-24T12:56:00.004-04:00

A shiver crawls up my spine
And tears my limbs.
I quiver to be warm
And to be full again.
The glacial moon meets the burning sun
But somewhere along the line
We ran out of land upon which to run.
This structure was never mine,
So I'll take yours until I'm warm again.

But I swore you would never see the day

When the wolves I kept at bay

Would come knocking on our door,

But I wore that mask just like a face.
Now you're left with the taste
Of cheap colored wine
And another white lie.

One day you'll open your eyes

Just to find that the outside

Is growing dimmer with the night.
It's up to me to decide
If the timing is right
Or if we should have left
When we still had the chance.
Now we're chained to the ground
And the hounds of the wood
Won't be chasing their dinner tonight.
Sit tight, sit tight!
Yeah, I might make it out alive,
But you're not so lucky this time.

But I swore you would never see the day

When the wolves I kept at bay

Would come knocking on our door,

But I wore that mask just like a face.
Now you're left with the taste
Of cheap colored wine
And another white lie.

You're not safe by my side!

I was your best kept secret.
You were my perfect mistake.
And now our only regret

Is that you never got to see me awake.

So shake out the curtains

And wake up the sun.

This must be done

If you ever want to breathe me in again.

- afm

I Want You

2010-06-13T04:52:00.004-04:00

I want you to leave
I need you to leave
What chance do I have
To succeed
If you're still here
by the morning?
If you don't heed
my warning,
I'll want you to die
I'll need you to die
What chance do I have
To survive
If you're still here
By the morning?
If you don't heed
my warning,
I'll want you to leave
I'll need you to leave
What chance do I have
to succeed
If you're still here
by the morning?

- afm

On the Count of Three

2010-06-07T04:48:00.007-04:00

I was a fireman, but I didn't go in
When the house was burning to the ground.
I was a young man, but I didn't feel it
When all of my best friends were out on the town.

I was a razor, but I didn't scrape her
When she held me too close to her wrist.
I was a bastard, a natural disaster
When I flooded her thoughts with my kiss.

I'm cautious when I'm conscious.
I'm fearless when I'm asleep,
But my dreams aren't what they used to be.

I was a pilot, but I couldn't fly yet
When my captain fastened up his belt.
I was a martyr, but I hadn't bothered
To sacrifice my life for a lie I didn't tell.

I'm cautious when I'm conscious.
I'm fearless when I'm asleep,
But my dreams aren't what they used to be.

- afm

Nothing More to Lament

2010-05-31T04:09:00.008-04:00

Reality is pinning me down.
It sunders the hope of reaching solid ground.
My morality is founded within letters
Carved by robbers in the night.
Is this right, or is my sight the line that bounds
A thought from sound?

As I dig myself a hole,
I excavate my hand,
And as the earth had planned
I become it.
Farther down the tunnel,
Assisted by a shovel
I turn the ditch into
A larger pit.

I throw out what I'm handed.
I leave the giver stranded.
I take it all for granted.

Reality has buried me in dirt and grime.
Now it's time to sunder out the truth,
But all my truth is wasted on a hopeless wish.
I'll keep wishing till I'm due,
Till my name is carved by robbers
Above the pit.

I took it all for granted.

- afm

Edge of the Sea

2010-05-17T04:31:00.008-04:00

You were scared
That you'd live out your life all wrong
If you messed up the verses.
Never dared to rearrange
The words in the psalms.
Your praise turned to curses.
Another continent won't cure you.
The land is not the same without me.

Would you follow me into the sea?
Would you float there with me?
Would you give up your life just to live?

At the edge of the sea
I waited
Year after year after year,
But you flew right above me,
Pretended not to love me
As you drowned the whole plane down.
Another continent won't save you.
The land is not the same without me.

Would you follow me into the sea?
Would you float there with me?
Would you give up your life just to live?

We'll float.

- afm

The Alex Show - Episode 27

2010-05-16T02:50:00.006-04:00

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

I felt lost even though I knew where I was. This is my body, this is my surrounding, but where am I? I was scared and thrown and helpless almost, but I was okay with it. I was okay with being lost. I wanted to be. I was drawn to it, the welcomed hopelessness, and so I ran with it. I was running through a foreign forest, black and endless. I plowed through the undergrowth and trampled fallen branches. They snapped and cracked with every leap, but the sound was buried beneath my angered breaths. I was not running to or from anything. I was just running to run.

Aside: Once you run in the dark long enough, you realize you are not lost at all. You always know exactly where you are: in the dark.

I was running with my eyes closed when I stumbled upon reality. I am the forest. I am black and endless. I fall in the dirt and rise in the dirt. My limits know no bounds. I loved being lost. I became comfortably familiar with being lost until one day lost was not even lost anymore.

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

I had it once, the whole passion thing, and I'm crossing my fingers - the same fingers that let something amazing fall right through them - to have it again.

- Alexander McCurdy

A Painting

2010-05-11T17:00:00.012-04:00

a painting. you broke your lamp, you broke yours
the bed frame is black and glass is on the floor
plug me in, don't plug me in if your outlet is dead
im freeing, im freeing your hand from your head from your head from your score
certainty in failure, you will fall
you're just another know it all

a painting. your sight is shielded, blocked by bulbs
they're shattered, splattered with a knife with a knife with a dagger
plug me in, don't plug me in if your hands are wet
you're bleeding, you're bleeding your hand from your neck from your neck from your chest
certainty in failure, you will fall
you're just another know it all

a face in a heart and a face in the dark
don't look past the past, you'll find splinters
sweep up the glass and remove your chord
this is falling, t
_____________h
______________i
_______________s

________________i
_________________s

__________________f
___________________a
____________________l
_____________________l
______________________i
_______________________n
________________________g

- afm

Hello! My Name is Goodbye

2010-05-07T15:34:00.008-04:00

The thought of seeing you
Every day has allowed me to sway my view.
Expect me to look no further.
If being with you
Is a negative trait in this neutral state,
Then I will take my cue and desert her.

You could have trusted me to break so easily.

Somehow someday I'll be better.
Even if you can't remember my name,
I bet you'll be missing me.

You found yourself
Two months too late to do something about
The tainted scene

With all of its cheap intentions.
Well, mine were pure, but you were sure
That taintless hands were painted a bloody red.
Now you dread affection.

You could have trusted me if it came so easily.

Somehow someday you'll know better.
Even if you can't remember my name,
I bet you'll be missing me.

I still blame you for what I've done.
All the battles you won
Were on account of my surrendering
In hopes of rendering love.

Somehow someday we'll be/know better.
Even if you can't remember my name,
I bet you'll be missing me.

- afm

One Year Older

2010-05-02T14:33:00.008-04:00

Yesterday I had an excuse
Cuz I didn't have the shoes to run away.
It's Sunday now, and I'm still here.
I haven't disappeared, but I refuse to stay.
But nothing's going to break that chain we made
Cuz yesterday's the same.

How do we get back to
All the things we knew?
I don't know.

I open hearts only to shut mine down.
I keep messing around like some dumb fool.
When it comes to love I'm an old miser.
I'm not much wiser, though, than a year ago.
And nothing's going to break that chain we made.
Tomorrow will be the same.

How do we get back to
All the things we knew?
I don't know.

Someday I might wake up,
And do all the things I said I would,
All the things I know I should.

- afm

The Alex Show - Episode 26

2010-04-29T07:11:00.007-04:00

____: It's very nice, but you seem guarded. I like my live performances better.

Alex: Your performances are far more personal. This performance was edited for a general audience.

____: Well, I'm glad to have seen it. It was a pleasant surprise to wake up to.

Alex: It was originally intended for you, but They wouldn't let me share it with you alone. It was only allowed to become real if everyone had a part in it. I wish it wasn't that way, but I'm glad I can share it with you now.

____: You're the sweetest.

Alex: I have so much love in me. This amount of love should never be in a person all at once. It's dangerous, a dangerous amount of love. I wish I could give some to you, just pass it off.

____: You want to give me the dangerous love?

Alex: Passing off love that is dangerous to me would not be harmful to you. It's not dangerous to share our loves with one another because your love is different from mine. I store your love in different areas. My love storage space, however, is full.

____: So if we share, we mix it like brackish water. It's like a desert! ... I have to go.

Alex: Before you go will you like my performance? I won't believe you like it once you leave. I know it may seem silly, but I feel seventeen today. It's awful... just awful.

____: It always is when you create something.

Alex: ... for you. The entire world could like it, ____. Hell, they could love it even, but that doesn't give me a single ounce of fulfillment unless you like it, too.

____: I like it. Now send me some love.

Alex: I cannot extract my love. I wish I could send myself to you, so you can take some from me.

____: Yes, do that.

Alex: I wish. I wish, but wishing is a verb that produces little action. I wonder why we do it so often...

____: Well, I'll keep wishing, and I'll wait for your dangerous love, and we'll make brackish water for the desert shelf.

Alex: I think my "Miss You" shelf just reached its brim, as well. Sad day.

____: If you're sad today, it's okay. Enjoy the sad and embrace how beautiful it is that you can feel it.

Alex: I am content with this sad. It is a healthy sadness and I know I am smiling under it. I need sleep. We'll see how I feel after that.

____: Pleasant dreams.

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

It is an awkward feeling waking up to the words, "pleasant dreams."

- Alexander McCurdy

In the Courtyard

2010-04-21T03:08:00.008-04:00

I'm pulling out the maps that we drew.
The folds and wrinkled patterns have construed
Countless destinations,
But every route leads me back to you.

But it's rain in the courtyard that keeps showing
That all of the trees have stopped growing.
Nature lost her touch. I think it rained too much.
So what's the use in finding you?

I'm planting seeds beneath hidden roots
In hopes of branching out the buried truth.
Yesterday it rained, but today it's not the same.
It's a drought, and I doubt it will subdue.

But it's rain in the courtyard that keeps showing
That all of the trees have stopped growing.
Nature lost her touch. It didn't rain enough.
So what's the use in finding you?

If together we were one, then one of us is none.
I once said if you left I'd follow you.
If the sky would open up, then I'd pull down the sun.
I once said if you left I'd follow you,
But all the plans I make don't follow through.

- afm

Blue Sky Noise Day

2010-04-21T01:15:00.009-04:00

Sorry Hitler, Bob Marley, and any other figure or event that gave reason to commemorate April 20th in the past, but unfortunately for you, 4/20 will now and always will be the birth date of Circa Survive's brand new baby, "Blue Sky Noise." Circa Survive has been my favorite band ever since they first formed, and after two vigorous years of songwriting and recording, they finally released their third album. Naturally, since they are granted the glorious title of "favorite band," you would imagine my opinion about any music they create to be extremely biased. However, with a change to a major label (Atlantic Records) and the fact that artists these days are constantly "reinventing" themselves, I was more than skeptical to hear the outcome of their new material. In fact, I prematurely told myself that it was going to be a flop, that they took too long analyzing every aspect about the album, and that there would be a strongly noticeable mainstream influence from the new label and producers. Now, numerous Circa fans will disagree with me, but I feel that this band birthed the most beautiful baby any parent could ever wish for (it's a girl, by the way). I could write an essay on each song if you truly wanted to hear my opinions on them, but instead I'll just share a response I posted to one of their guitarists, Colin Frangicetto.

"Music aside, this is why I love Circa Survive. The sincerity so purely rooted in you is hard to come by in almost anyone, let alone someone who possesses such amazing talent. It is unfathomable to think how insightful your words can be while still remaining humble and true. In that sense, your music cannot be cast aside in the point I am trying so desperately to make. Circa Survive is not merely a band to me, it is an idea, an idea to take everything that is simple and discover the beauty in it. In the past six years - I cannot believe it has been that long! - the five of you have influenced my life in far too many ways to list. Thank you for everything you have shown me. Thank you for everything you have given me. Thank you for creating, sharing, and continuing Circa Survive."

If you did not purchase this album yesterday, you are truly missing out on something special.

- afm

Avery

2010-04-18T21:57:00.005-04:00

I measured time with rope and string. I found the same things
Back when I had counted days by coffee rings.
I traveled wide with hopeful dreams. I found the same things
Back when I sat in a daze, so I cut the string
Silently.

My lifelong dream is to sleep.
My lifelong dream is to sleep.

I opened doors with guarantees. I found the same things
Back when I tried to deny the mystery.
I breathed in wind, wind from the sea. I found the same things
Back when I had lived inside my covering
Silently.

My lifelong dream is to sleep,
But urgency has proved me wrong.
My lifelong dream is to sleep,
But I've been sleeping all along.

- afm

Buyer Beware!

2010-04-09T19:26:00.004-04:00

He was hangin round the tool shed, both hands at his side,
Taking pictures with his fingers, gathering supplies.
Here's the water. Here's a pitcher. Now go and fetch the rye.
Here's the bread, son, and a dead one with white in his eyes.

You better be wise if you're flashing a grin.
Oh, you better think twice if you're selling to him.
Rise above your Father if you start to squander your sins.
Gemini will fall behind if you're trying to win.

He was standin top the tool shed, both hands in the air,
Reading scriptures with his fingers, as he declared,
"I'm a stunt man, and a blunt man, so listen if you dare.
I only hunt men on the front, men, so buyer beware!"

You better be wise if he's flashing a grin.
Oh, you better think twice if you're buying from him.
Rise above your Father if you start to squander your sins.
Gemini will fall behind if you're trying to win.

Mother is calling supper soon,
But you're playing in the field.
It got dark at ten past noon.
The nighttime has revealed
That shadows are only predecessors
Waiting for your head
To drift into unconsciousness
While lifeless in your bed.
Now who can save you?

You better be wise if you're flashing a grin.
Oh, you better think twice if you're selling to him.
Rise above your Father if you start to squander your sins.
Gemini will fall behind, and even if you're pleading blind
Your lights will dim.

- afm

Climbing Trees and Scraping Knees

2010-04-05T17:53:00.010-04:00

"This is my nightmare!"

2010-04-05T01:16:00.002-04:00

"Until you can sing like Johnny Cash, stop dressing like him."

That's Love

2010-04-02T23:31:00.007-04:00

It's the same story. We all know how it ends and where it began. The only thing worth taking note is whether if we stayed or if we ran from the heart stuck in our throats. You cannot understand why you feel like you can float as if your body didn't weigh at all. Well, don't be afraid at all cuz that's love. Yeah, that's love.

It's the same ole lines they wrote in every book in every store. The only thing worth taking note is whether if you meant them or if you were just sounding cute while you were in the pursuit of chasing someone before you knew what they meant. Now your harmless intent has made a dried up person bawl. Well, you don't have to care at all cuz that's love. Yeah, that's...

... everything you wanted and more. Holding open the door and flowers galore. Candles and petals or maybe you settled for someone who's not yours, or maybe you're just getting bored. Well, that's love. Yeah, that's love. 01h38 - 13h40

- afm

B-I-N-G-O

2010-03-29T23:16:00.001-04:00

"There was a farmer who had a dog and Bingo was his name-o."

No one ever established whether it was the farmer or the dog who was named Bingo. We all assume it is the dog, though. If I have a daughter, she will be named Bingo... or Pongo. Either one.

Cascade in Gocta

2010-03-26T16:52:00.006-04:00

I see the masquerade/ I call their every move, trying to lead them off the stage/ I tell them that we're through, but they're smiling anyways/ No curtain call can close them in/ Make believe that this world is for your amusement/ Fake, deceive your confusion. Delusion.

The crowd's a renegade/ I call them bulletproof, trying to kill them off with age/ I'll tell them when I'm through with such a loose foray/ No cannonball can fold them in/ Make believe that this war is for your amusement/ Take, receive your contusions. Delusions.

We're fusing arms with thorns and pegs for legs/ Is this the torrent you want to wash away the street of stone put on display/ or do you warrant a stronger cascade/ Make believe that this was all for your amusement/ Fake, deceive your confusion. Delusion.

- afm

13h10 to Cucurul

2010-03-22T15:35:00.011-04:00

There's a footprint near the bottom of my narrow stairs/ There's a gathering of cotton on my dusty chair/ A note says that you're leaving cuz you've grown so tired of grieving/ for something that you swear isn't there/ Well, if that train comes back tomorrow, I won't be here/ The statues that we built will disappear/ as if our hands had never touched or our bodies never clutched/ I won't be here

There's a whisper at my window passing through/ There's a soothing breeze blowing, telling me what to do/ so I walk without a purpose and push that window down/ shutting out the sounds I thought I knew/ Well, if the summer heat is burning, I won't be here/ The memories of warmth will disappear/ as if our hands had never touched or our bodies never clutched/ I won't be here

What's your head still waiting for? Another man, another form? What's your head still waiting for? Another stand, another war?

There's a footprint near the bottom of my narrow stairs/ There's a gathering of cotton on my dusty chair/ A note says that you're gone, so I'll be moving on/ I won't be here/ 13h34

- afm

BEST EVER!

2010-03-20T04:08:00.001-04:00

POWER HOUR! IT'S AH ME, PI PI! BEST EVER! :D

EI

2010-03-19T21:57:00.001-04:00

what do you do when you lose something intangible?

"Why doesn't anyone I know sleep?"

2010-03-19T17:53:00.001-04:00

I'm done growing. I'm already bigger than this.

my new pickup line

2010-03-08T23:16:00.002-05:00

You must be made by Campbell's soup cuz you look mmm mm good!

(extended)

You look hotter than a bowl of Campbell's soup! Tryna spoon?

- afm

i love you, and by you, i mean cake

2010-03-07T22:20:00.006-05:00

careful was the way that you looked at me, but nothing can stop the way two people are destined to be something. you got my number on paper so don't wait till later to give it a ring, so we can see where to go from here

deliberately lying that you can confide in me. oh no, im subtly sighing when you are crying. did i make you believe that there is no other world than me? i must have lied through my teeth

you call me every morn in your exigency. you're calling, calling, calling. i never know what to do in an emergency, so im stalling, stalling, stalling. i tried to keep it cool, but im getting so cold that now im numbing to the thought of you and me

deliberately lying that you can confide in me. oh no, im subtly sighing when you are crying. did i make you believe that there is no other world than me? i must have lied through my teeth

disaster is fit if we make it. maybe we can make it up in our minds cuz you can't make heartbreak easy no matter the time. well, this time will be the last that i can ever call you mine, and that's just fine... or maybe, baby, you're my everything.

if you meet me halfway, then i'll be waiting here for a long time. if you're not back by today, then tomorrow i'll wait. tomorrow i'll wait until i can hold you and whisper in your ear that all is fine, that you're mine, and soon you're gonna heal in time

- afm

Push them Tits!

2010-03-01T21:20:00.007-05:00

Let me break it down for you. whicka whicka wooww
The guitar I use to record only has four strings. I have negative x amount of dollars in my bank account right now, and I swear there is some conspiracy against me because even with my work experience I cannot find a decent job. Yup. Financially, my life is balls right now. Funny thing is, even though my life is crap at the moment, for some reason my mom still wanted to be me... so she stole my identity! AHHHHHHHHH! :D

Well, today I decided that I need to turn my life around. I need to be more proactive because my problems are not going to fix themselves and help from others is making my dignity sink faster than a monster dump in the toilet. While talking to my good friend/butt buddy, Eric, he suggested that I should grab my guitar and set up a hat outside of a metro station to make some chump change. Unfortunately, I do not have the money for a hat, and more importantly I only have four guitar strings! Out of ideas, we came up with a full-proof, frowned-upon plan to solve my financial bind: Cocaine. I will push cocaine for a living! AHHHHHHHHH! :D

The plan is simple, really. Eric knows a girl who knows a guy who knows a guy who deals cocaine. Aside from this knowing upon knowing factor, I do not have any other in (unless it is with weed and there is not nearly enough money or excitement in weed), so I figure I will just suck this dude's dick, obtain some coke, and distribute it at local middle schools. This way all the cool kids will know who to go to the next time they want their nose to meet a toilet lid in the bathroom stall during lunch. In which case I will then suck a little more dick, obtain a little more coke, and start selling that shit until it's Christmas all year long! AHHHHHHHHH! :D

I know what you're thinking, "But Alex, selling cocaine is dangerous! What if something bad happens to you?!" Well, you need not worry. I am a cool guy. I can take care of myself and handle almost any situation thrown at me. Worst case scenario: I get stabbed. That's not so bad! If I die then my financial distress dies with me. See? No worries! Seriously, though, I do not think it will ever get to that point. Eric and I are tough cookies. Actually no, we're not because tough cookies suck. We're soft and moist and people like us. But that doesn't discount for how tough we are in no relation to cookies! >:( <--- that's my tough guy face. But really, Eric and I will be smart about it when we push them tits (tits is our codename for coke). Smart, right? We will even wear leather jackets and shutter shades. Now all I have to do is get in contact with this guy and meet up with him. I wish he could just bring the tits to me, though. :/

You know you're a sack of shit when you're too lazy to sell drugs.

- afm

time holds the truth in a lifetime of fiction

2010-02-28T16:36:00.008-05:00

if it's change that you want then you better hit the streets/ you can sleep in the ground or in bags/ for as far as im concerned this is all for the best/ if you're gone then the household is blessed/ carry the cancer/ distribute as planned/ unaware that the contents have drowned these hands/ in these hands i hold wisdom that withers to sand/ like dust after fleeing from skin/ here within my tarnished casing/ don't ask me what i am becoming

this cancer has shifted from ridden to worse/ it has moved from my throat to my heart/ if you're searching for answers then tap out the hearse/ before my infection departs with my body/ with each filling/ fill me up till my voice starts to burst past the boundaries/ send the billing/ to my nearest of kin/ here within my abandoned building/ don't ask me what i am becoming

oh, i bet they'll be here any minute now/ with interest in my troubled fate/ but not for the passing of my timely existence/ but more for my rising estate/ here within my abundant decay/ don't ask me what i am becoming

"where have you been? where have you been?!"/ a silent reply as i take it on the chin/ "don't worry, doc/ we'll take him from here"/ a lock of the door and a "hold still, amor/ disappear! disappear! disappear!"

- afm

Allusion, Illusion

2010-02-27T02:49:00.003-05:00

Far beyond my reach, soaring above the wintry peaks of lurid reflection, floats a cherished dream. Deceptive though it seems, to grasp it is worth the rigid journey to the top, and so I set out willing to endure the mountain before me. My sense of longing reaches its brim upon every step. It is painfully rewarding - both agonizing and exceedingly so - to face the frigid mountain air and the despairing winds. If anything, they make me more alive - an arduous yet bearable advantage. When I turn to gaze below my feet to see all that I have overcome, all I see is white; a niveous mystery of the past that blinds the present into uncertainty. It is here I sit, with shaken head and muddled mind, that I lose my footing and fall back to the start. It is here I sit and long for that sweet embrace of the foreign sky to shine its radiance upon my skin. It is here I sit and rest beside reality mixing present with past and past with fantasy. It is here I sit, tangled in allusion/illusion, and fixate on nothing more than a cherished dream. It is here I sit. It is here I sit. It is here I sit.

- afm

Sonnet February 26, 2010

2010-02-26T18:27:00.002-05:00

On a restless night deep within the wood,
Long before the time of our savior's birth,
There waited a dame who so calmly stood
Betwixt the branches in her boastful mirth.

On the eve of war she capered and sang
As her heels punctured the unspoiled earth.
Then forthwith the sound of her voice constrained
She fell to the ground with her shoulders girthed.

On the brink of bliss the parasites came
And mangled her wrists, devoured her worth.
In being the host, this now pillaged dame
Became the lost ghost of man's folly cursed.

The moral herein in words simply terse:
Do not trust a ground where the crowds disperse.

- Alexander McCurdy

shells are sold by the river (and bliss is only sold in jars)

2010-02-19T14:41:00.007-05:00

a song from January, 2008 that i am reviving:

buy in and place your bets down/ drown the water/ bury me under/ call me out (cards held out) by the river/ walk just like peter/ sharpen and shiver/ oh, you’re selling me out, but I won’t tell

what is this place/ where you left me so cold and betrayed/ your insolence is deafening/ what would I give to save your core/ how does one render souls/ by the right hand of god, i will endeavor to love her/ what more could I endure

convincing grin/ you're a specimen to inspecting men/ a hand-held to them/ benumbing medicine/ you're as fake as the smile you cringe/ you’re letting go/ with such disdain, you know

what is this place/ where you left me so cold and betrayed/ your insolence is deafening/ what would I give to save your core/ how does one render souls/ by the right hand of god, i will endeavor to love her/ what more could I endure

you came and you saw/ but you didn’t conquer anything at all/ you discovered a destructive spectacle

- afm

What is my life?!

2010-02-17T15:23:00.001-05:00

I just came to the sad realization that I have been back in my hometown for almost a year now and I have accomplished hardly anything. What is my life?!

Sonnet, February 14, 2010

2010-02-14T07:09:00.001-05:00

If you claim to have known me at my best
Then daresay you have met me at my worst
Where my candid speech, each subtle word stressed,
Had not been instinct, but gravely rehearsed.

My snakelike nature and my moth-like dress
Devise runic face and this two-pronged tongue.
Both these attributes can surely attest
My now blackened heart and bare, beaten lungs.

Asphyxiate the soul if need it rest.
Tell God in Heaven to anon portend
Any sign of passing, in my distress,
The lowly discourse which I condescend.

How highly a prayer to swiftly impend
If crossing the line 'tween lover and friend.

- Alexander McCurdy

set up

2010-02-12T06:56:00.003-05:00

You're gonna keep asking me questions until you find an answer that you don't like.

The Alex Show - Episode 25

2010-02-10T04:48:00.004-05:00

Anatomy of a Nightmare pt. II

I am confined in sickness; diseased in this bedridden state. An unyielding affliction grasps my throat, suppressing my breath with a serpentine squeeze. This feeling is rooted in me, though its origin is lost in wild thought. Somehow I remain inanimate, and I know today will be no different than any other. Cursed oblivion.

With a reluctant pace, I stumble toward the bathroom. The doorknob is frozen, and it shatters as I cradle it in my hand. In my frigid indifference I continue to make the turning motion and step inside. I stand before the mirror and say, "Aaaaaaaah," examining the area of my gum where my wisdom teeth once laid compacted two years prior. Nothing appears to be out of place, and I wonder what urged me to inspect my mouth to begin with. I am bored in my curiosity, and so I go on with my daily bathroom routine.

There is a lion in the basement.

X amount of hours later...

My gum is swollen behind my lower jaw, pushing its skin past my teeth. Every time my mouth closes I release a silent scream. I am desperate to find a cure. I find my sister upstairs in my younger brother's room and inform her of my current discomfort and my severed solution. She is certain I am exaggerating.

"You think that's bad? Try being on your period. You don't know real pain until you've experienced cramps," she scoffs heedlessly as she rolls her eyes.

I am frantic. Discounting my pain does not make it cease. In fact, my frenzied condition forces me to fixate on my pain, increasing its volume unbearably. I must prove to her that my affliction is no flouting matter, and so I open my mouth wide as possible, and press down. From here, I cannot fully express the amount of blood that flows from me or how lengthy a tissue hangs from the hole in my gum. I am engulfed in my pain as the roseate stream of my sickness carries me to a cure, yet drowns me in disdain.

There is a lion in my bed.

- afm

The Alex Show - Episode 24

2010-02-05T18:20:00.003-05:00

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

I'm flying, or so I thought. "I wish I was, but I don't know how it happens," I told her. "It just does sometimes."

"Will you tell me about it the next time it happens?" she asked.

"Of course I will," I answered.

"I want to be the first to know about it," she said greedily.

"Well, I hope I can take you one day."

"I hope so, too!"

"And maybe once I learn how it works, I can show you how, and we can fly together. Then we'll never have to worry about disappearing... we can just fly away."

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

I have been up for over thirty-six hours now. I know that's not helping. I'm not in the right state of mind, but I cannot sleep or maybe I'm not trying hard enough. My head hurts, and my feelings hurt, and I want to transfer that pain. No, I do not want to rid of it. I want to pass it on. I want to. I want someone to hurt and I want to be the cause of their hurt. I want to feel better because of it. Ironic thing is, you are the only person I would never want to hurt, but chances are, reading this will hurt you.

- afm

The Alex Show - Episode 23

2010-02-01T04:57:00.004-05:00

Every night at 11:11 I wish that all of my old wishes will finally come true.

That's not a true story, but it sounded emo/mildly gay enough to make it into my blog. Truth be told, I never wish for anything anymore.

And now, an excerpt from the past that never was, but may as well have been:

"This place was a mess," I calmly tell her, "a clutter of shuffled papers, candy wrappers, and names you have long forgotten. Your room is far colder than the rest of this house. Your window is not to blame. It may be February still, but it is warmer outside than where we are standing. Well, at least it was, but now I am comfortable. I feel full. I think these shelves are the difference. I think these shelves are here to help."

"I never wished for help!" she snaps, finally on the verge of breaking. "I only wish for things that I know can happen. I cannot be helped, Alex, let alone by a shelf!"

"That is not the point of a wish," I counter, holding her by the shoulders and pulling her close. "A wish is allowed to be selfish, impossible even! A wish should be a miracle."

"What would you know about wishing?! You never wish for anything anymore! You mean to tell me these shelves are miraculous?! That is stupid, Alex. Stupid!"

There. A little present for you, but now we must venture back to the present. Sorry. Truthfully, I am, but we cannot live in screenplays forever. Sometimes our lives are simply not poetic enough. This is nice. Talking like a normal person talks. It feels so relieving. I haven't addressed an audience without a flash or a spin in some time now - at least not within an actual episode. Most times I speak this freely are usually during threats of cancellation, but considering how my show is soon to be canceled sometime soon, I have no purpose to end it prematurely. At the same time I do not intend to let it mature any further. If anything really, the show has regressed within itself. I mean, I am quoting a good length of a previous episode within this episode. What does that say about ratings? For instance, The Office (NBC) had "great ratings" for their last episode, but all that episode did was recap "the best of" moments from other episodes - even some from other seasons! Luckily this is an 8,760/365 show (as opposed to a 24/7 in-season show (which also do not exist)). We truly are topnotch here.

ASIDE: Maybe The Alex Show should be moved to NBC. Then no one will be surprised when we get taken off the air.

Unfortunately, I am referring to quotes from this time last year because my show AKA my "life" is not nearly as exciting as it used to be, and now with yet another lead role doing bigger and better things, I do not know if me, myself, and I will be enough to keep you occupied. A humble thanks to any of you who still stop by and say hi from time to time. It's good to know that at least one person is tuning in to read what I have to say about my so-called life. That was a television show, too, right? My So-Called Life? Anyways, I really have nothing else to say... not like I really had anything to say to begin with, so I will leave you with this thought: I have given up on miracles. Is this growing up?

- afm

space bar space bar space

2010-01-31T06:24:00.003-05:00

blink blink blink think think think of something witty to say wit wit wit shit shit shit this is no good i must be in the hood cuz i was robbed robbed i tell you robbed what if did rhymed with good could it would it wood split split wood good no wait well yes well do tell me how to spell no wait use diction proper diction convicted with fiction what is this affliction did i fall i must have but luckily i sprung up and kept running running sight of three words called called called something but i claim that i cannot remember then how do i remember words like remember if i cannot remember three words called something something something dishonest teething decayed memories of my ability to to to remember the other one plus two two too hard to recollect collecting thought is like connecting knots when you should be tying dots to your shoes suede and blue blue blue why so sad shoe you should be a happy shoe you are suede after all or did you fall too with me when i was running to recollect my what was i trying to remember again oh yes the idea of remembering no wiat how do i remember remember yes that was it but i have not gotten anywhere yet just farther away from where i began farther away from the question at hand which is still unclear yet i continue to steer farther further farther further what is the differecne between farther and further or father and something that goes or rhymes with furhter not like father rhymes with farther i just lost an r somewhere an r is not a vowel so it should be a r but that sounds uncomfortable and clearly i only write for comfort does this not feel nice but yes father is farther then he once was but more so in a literal sense than a figurative one figuratively he is somewhat the same in distance emotionally the same mentally might be different though i would not know though i would not for i do not think about it all too often there is no guilt in that not even guilt for not feeling guilt peculiar no i ask i should have used punctation and capitalization but it is too late for that now and from here i am not going to go back and edit it all that would be so time consuming and evidently i need that time i cannot waste any of it yes that is sarcasm for what is this post but a waste of my time but what time am i wasting only mine so what does it matter to you unless you care about me and even then it is not your life so you can pester off not like you are bothering me by reading this because more than likely i will be unaware if you do indulge in this this this chocolate covered gumdrop yuck that would not mix well but a good example of two wonderfully sweet things that when put together do not fit like you and i or i and you or any idea of us together forever for never okay nokay she would say yes she might fuck i broke my carnal rule nothing is actually carnal about it i just wanted to say carnal who is formal and gets away with it these days anyways anyways anyways i was trying to say that i am not supposed to mention she or her or any feminie word unless i refer to my pansy ass self shelves shelves shelves that was the first i wrote of her it was a true story that never happened in actuality but it did happen i promise just not here or there are you coming down here do not make me come up there cuz i will you will not care though i would not touch you again again again only those first few times were fair fair fair with hair layered red but she the tax was a fare on my heart and a devilish glare a stare from the stairs what are you even talking about you are just rhyming for rhymes sake now and you are not using that wit i instructed you to find you dimwit there you are there it is there is the wit it is dim no wonder it is not coming out tonight so turn on the light numskull if a skull is numb is it even a skull at all more like goo goo goo ga ga you are no lady you are no doll you are more shady you are more dull if you are even anything at all i do not think i can conclude this with some riveting ending that will leave you oh so astounded life changing read bravo bravo bravo good sir and encore encore encore no i do implore you to stop

- afm

The Alex Show - Episode 22

2010-01-31T02:15:00.002-05:00

___: You are cruel.

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

___: Do you eat chicken?

Alex: Yes. I just had some actually. Why do you ask?

___: Can you eat happy chickens?

Alex: Happy chicken?

___: Yeah, because too many people eat sad chickens, and that's not okay.

Alex: Care to explain how you weigh the emotions of a chicken?

___: Sure! Most of the chickens you get at grocery stores are not happy. They are farmed in terrible conditions. They never go out in sunlight; locked in overcrowded rooms. They are genetically altered to carry so much meat on them that they cannot even walk! If you're going to end up killing them, why not let them live a happy life in the mean time?

Alex: Most of the chicken... in fact, all of the chicken I get at grocery stores are dead. Therefore they are not happy nor are they sad. They are not much of anything actually, just a very dead bird.

___: But why is it so hard to just let them live happy lives before we kill them?

Alex: Chicken have feelings. Physical ones, but I doubt they can grasp the sentiment of sunlight or leading a good life. They are animals. Birds. Not even parrots! They do without thinking or reasoning and are not effected by whether or not they live prosperous or happy lives.

___: They are still living organisms. Humans don't naturally have the right to dominate every life-form they see. If you're going to use them for your own benefit, let them live a good life!

Alex: Not all living beings desire to live good lives as humans do, and since humans are the dominant creature, we do posses that right. Do you cry when people mow the grass?

___: That's different.

Alex: How? Grass is a living matter, yet we cut it down at our whim.

___: Yes, it is, but I'm not saying, "Don't eat chicken!" or "Don't cut grass!"

Alex: What are you saying then?

___: I'm saying that even the worst predators in the world let their prey live happily before they kill it.

Alex: What matter does it make if you live happily if you know you're going to be killed? It seems more sick to deceive something you intend to destroy.

___: No. We don't destroy them. We're using them for food.

Alex: ___, we are literally destroying their lives. What difference does it make what for? If our intention from the start is to kill this creature, how we do it and for what reason we do it is not the matter. The fact that we do it is.

___: We are making it so that chickens cannot have any other way to live. No organism deserves that, especially if it's providing us with food.

Alex: The chicken is the food! What difference does it make how we treat it if we're still going to eat it? You are not making a clear point or a solution. You're just whining.

___: My solution is that people need to eat happy chickens.

Alex: No, that is a resolution. The solution would have the steps to get people there. Besides, whether the chicken is happy or sad, we still kill it. In the end, the chicken cannot win, so your cause seems unfulfilled.

___: The chicken can win. We just don't let it. Ugh! Americans think like ancient Europeans, and it's disgusting.

Alex: And you think like an eighteen year old girl, and it's silly.

___: I think more like someone who wants every being to be happy with the time it has on this planet.

Alex: Oh, then I take that back. You think like a child, and you need to grow up.

___: Wanting that is not a bad thing!

Alex: No, it is a wonderful thought, but in this world it is impossible. I am not trying to be a Debbie downer, just being realistic. Not everything can be happy all of the time, and even if it was, a Pleasantville would get annoying. We need color. All colors, even if those colors are blacks and blues. We need variation, contrast. Living in a world of white would make us just as blind as living in a world of black. Understand?

___: No. I am too sad to understand. You burst my bubble of hope.

Alex: You'll be fine. Be a happy chicken.

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

Alex: I am not cruel. I believe in debating. I was merely raising points, and this conversation would have been pointless if I simply agreed with you.

- Alex McCurdy

This Is Growing Up - Chapter Four

2010-01-30T20:08:00.003-05:00

My all time favorite artists and films were listed in my facebook information. Today I realized that I do not care if anyone ever reads them. I got rid of the lists. This is growing up.

- afm

This Is Growing Up - Chapter Three

2010-01-30T13:46:00.005-05:00

I used to love snow. I loved sledding in the snow. I loved snowball fights. I loved eating snow. I loved riding ATV's in the snow. I loved the way trees looked with snow resting upon their branches. I loved shoveling snow for thirty bucks a driveway. Today, I only enjoy snow if I know it is preventing something I do not want to happen, such as school or work or a flight. Otherwise, I think snow is a pointless nuisance. This is growing up.

- afm

The Center

2010-01-29T23:24:00.006-05:00

I am what you are trying to remember.

- afm

This Is Growing Up - Chapter Two

2010-01-29T03:40:00.005-05:00

It was a couple months ago at an IHOP that I realized I put a considerable amount of pepper on my eggs. Ratio-wise there was probably more salt, but considering my strong dislike toward the taste of black pepper I was rather alarmed. It was during this meal I realized that I am now partial to both salt and pepper on my eggs. This is growing up.

- afm

This Is Growing Up - Chapter One

2010-01-29T03:26:00.005-05:00

I am not a wasteful person. I will eat even when I do not want to. If food was in front of me then I would eat it, not because I particularly wanted it, but just because it was there. I should be eating because I am hungry. Problem is: I haven't had much of an appetite lately. This is growing up.

- afm

Knights and Their Ladies Fair

2010-01-22T20:23:00.005-05:00

soldier saw a buggy on the side of the road/ so i rode, rode/ rode out on the byway behind twin oaks/ yeah, i drove, drove/ i found your sister and her baby/ and possibly maybe/ a wife to call my own/ if you want me to save thee/ you have to repay me/ my favors are only loans/ cuz nothing's for free

new orleans held a smile in the darkest of hours/ yeah, we rode, rode/ one upon the other till we filled our desire/ yeah we rode, rode/ back to your dwelling/ but not ever telling/ the basis of your coming home/ you're like a cat for a mother/ too stuck on another/ your heart so freely roams/ your love's not for me

you're tired of the jokes i tell/ the words you spoke have all cast spells/ on every man and every belle you've ever spoken to

just like pa she rose the bar too high/ yeah, she dove, dove/ fearing the dark, but that's where she lies/ yeah, we drove, drove/ drove each other crazy/ and possibly maybe/ we're better off alone/ this land is your land/ but i don't give a damn/ if you ever call it home/ cuz nothing's for free/ your love's not for me

where shall you go, right back home?

- afm

For the Sake of Mistakes pt. II

2010-01-16T13:26:00.002-05:00

i found myself wallowed in this hollowed shell of transparency/ but currently this currency has traced my shape/ my bones were coiled at their joints/ and appointed to the brothel/ held hostage in this hostel/ with fluid walls, clearly opaque/

in my defense, i was only seventeen/ these streets were tearing on/ and i was wondering where you wandered/

im better off when my sweater's scoffed and placed in purple bags/ ready for contempt to slither through and fill the room/ but no one knows what i mean/ once im severed at the seams/ so ever friendly toward me/ to turning on me/

in my defense, i was only seventeen/ these streets were tearing on/ and i was wondering where you wandered/

no one knows what i mean/ once my mouth has fallen out

- afm

Summer Song

2010-01-11T12:58:00.003-05:00

Here's to those long summer nights/ that we wasted away/ alone at the bay/ not knowing where/ we would lay the next day/ We tossed our fears to the grave/ every time the tide would rise/ and when our bodies hit the waves/ our hearts were apprised of the love that we made/ You had your car/ and I had my pride/ We won't travel far/ to escape.../ The sand is roughly scoured/ and my hair is peppered gray/ as minutes turn to hours/ and hours turn to days/ While summer nears the brink/ my hands can only pray/ my heart will never sink/ to the bed of the bay/ The tide retreated/ Our hearts repleted/ and though our feelings have changed/ the memory remains/

- afm

The Alex Show - Episode 21

2010-01-04T07:40:00.011-05:00

Anatomy of a Nightmare pt. I

Chiefly structured in the infrastructure of Duplicity, I am led up a path of man-sized mousetraps by a strapping, young you. You seem like you, and talk like you, but your smile is beguiled and misused with purpose. Oddly enough, I walk without one (a purpose, that is), and so I keep a peripheral eye on the outskirts of this shaken world. I see my youth spread across the surface of a schoolyard I once knew. I have been here before, but all is anew; restructured times two. Peculiar, no? Usually when people grow up - both literally and figuratively - they imagine places of their past to be much larger than they truly are. Here at Redland Middle School it is just the opposite. All the land and man-made features appear to be doubled in size in relation to my memory. Then again, I have always had trouble remembering. I now realize that my once peripheral outlook has become focused. You have vanished. I swear a second ago you were only a few paces before me, yet I cannot seem to trace your direction. My location and destination are unknown. I have fallen for the bait, but where is the switch?

AERIAL SHOT: With a flash and a spin I exit my body and see the world from above. There is no standstill as this "shot" overlaps the following instant as if the moment happens twice within the same time frame.

I return to my body suddenly apprehensive, as well as I should be, for the youth I noticed earlier is closing in around me. I am in danger, but with equal relevance know that I cannot lose. These are not your friends, Alex. They will tell you otherwise, but they are not real. They inhabit their bodies, but there is nothing left but a hollowed chest and a wielded skull. I reach into my left jean pocket to find a well-sharpened No. 2 pencil. Do not hesitate. You must preva... I interrupt my encouraging yet distracting monologue.

"I yield not to saints, so why yield here?"

The question accompanies my statement as well as my action. I pullback my trusty pencil in a warrior-like stance and thrust it into the heart of my nearest youth. He looks up to the sky and lets out a shriek that raises every hair on my once steady arm. As fast as his body collapses upon my wooden blade, his head rises once again. With the same beguiled smile as my once present friend, he turns the pencil and pulls it further in.

Friendly Reminder: "... but there is nothing left but a hollowed chest and a wielded skull."

I swiftly retract my weapon and make another thrust, this time directly in his eye. Deep and narrow, the wood pierces through tissue and bone and into his brain. His smiling ceases. Now I know how to break the bind, and so the slaughtering begins.

to be continued...

- Alexander McCurdy

The Alex Show - Episode 20

2010-01-01T10:20:00.008-05:00

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Happy New Year!

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

____: Twenty-one in a row!

Alex: Lefties for life!

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

____: You are the only friend from high school that I see on a regular basis... at least the one I see the most of.

Alex: I'm flattered and sorry at the same time.

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

___: Fox.

I do not respond. I put my phone back in my pocket with a reluctant smile.

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

____: Do you promise to make sure what I tell you is kept to yourself and shared with no one else?!

Alex: I promise.

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

Alex: My new year's resolution is to stop being a bum and a douchebag.

____: I don't think you are either of those two things.

Alex: I am literally a bum because I am jobless and living in my friend's house [for free] since I do not have a home of my own. In doing so I am abusing his family's kindness and hospitality, thus being a douchebag. There. Two examples.

____: Times are tough, man. Everyone has their own problems.

Alex: Oh, don't get me wrong. What bothers me is that I am well aware of my problems and how to resolve them. I have relied too long on the belief that things always get better. If i can only get them to stay better then life would be more simple. Of course it does not work that way. I have to fight for it. I need to stop talking and start being more proactive because once I get these two main problems out of the way, everything else should fall into place.

____: I'm practically in the same boat except I'm further away than you are. For some reason I don't believe that I will ever deserve true happiness.

Alex: How can you possibly come to that conclusion?

____: Because I really care more about others than I do myself.

Alex: What makes you think caring for others more than yourself will lead to inevitable discontentment?

____: I don't feel the need to be happy to live my life. If i don't think being happy is worth it, then I don't deserve it.

Alex: Just because a man does not wish to find love, does not mean that love will not find him. Perhaps the same is with happiness.

____: Maybe that is so, but I'll just have to keep living the way I do. It's the only way I know.

Alex: Like almost anything in life, happiness is not a gift that is so easily given to you. It too is something you must fight for... much like a home or a job.

____: That's very true.

Alex: Maybe your new year's resolution should be a series of steps to obtaining that happiness. The pursuit of it, perhaps?

____: But like I said, happiness is not something I think I deserve.

Alex: Happiness - much like any food - is something that is only desired once you have had a taste of it. If you truly believe that you have not previously experienced true happiness, maybe that is why you lack the desire to obtain it. My point is that you must try whether you want to or not. Who knows? It may pay off in the end.

FLASH FLASH FLASH SPIN SPIN SPIN

Alex is presenting any hope or any sign of getting it right the first time around.

____: Why should you try if you're just gonna die or throw in your towel by the final round?

Alex: Then why do you fight or think in the least if each premature thought will eventually cease?

____: You've made your point clear: we all disappear. Raise up your cup, or your beer, or your glass, and let out a cheer before present is past.

to be continued in 2010...

- Alexander McCurdy

Revelation:

2009-12-23T01:45:00.001-05:00

My friends aren't assholes, they're just not my friends.

Top Albums of 2009

2009-12-19T03:16:00.013-05:00

My top ten favorite albums of 2009:

10) Animals as Leaders

by Animals as Leaders
After previously declining a record deal with Prosthetic Records, Tosin Abasi, an eight-string guitarist hailing from the D.C. area, eventually agreed to record a solo album once his band disbanded. Abasi teamed up with Misha Mansoor (AKA Bulb), another local guitarist and engineer, to create a poly-rhythmic record that baffled headbangers and music professors alike. For fans of: elevator music... from hell!

9) Daisy

by Brand New
Since I have Y chromosomes, I was unable to enjoy the simplicity and sappiness of Brand New's 2003 album, Deja Entendu, and nothing about their 2006 release really stuck out to me. As I grew older - and mildly wiser - I was able to appreciate the sincerity in their songwriting capabilities. I ended up buying Daisy for a friend, and decided to put it on my itunes in case I ever wanted to take a chance on it. If you were never a fan of Brand New, please forget every biased opinion you have of them and listen to this record. Dark, philosophical, and almost folksy, Daisy is a flower you should definitely pick.

8) New Junk Aesthetic

by Every Time I Die
The Bled disappointed me by not releasing a new album this year, so I had to search for a metalcore band who would suffice. I was never partial to ETID in the past, but once I heard the opening tracks off New Junk Aesthetic, I decided they were more than sufficient. Though they are not nearly as heavy as most metal bands out there, their raw, southern style easily compensates. If you're having a bad day at work - or at life in general - blast tracks like "For the Record" or "Organ Grinder" to immediately feel at ease... or just punch your boss in the face. Same effect.

7) Fantasies

by Metric
This is bold, but if you are a fan of Radiohead and are curious to hear what they wo uld sound like with an equally crazy and random frontwoman, then check out Metric's latest r elease. One moment you're walking through the jaws of hell, the next you're dancing at a disco club. Clever, scary, seducing, and down right creative, Fantasies is as fantastical as it gets.

6) It's All Happening

by iwrestledabearonce
iwrestledabearonce releases their heavily anticipated debut album properly titled, It's All Happening. If Bjork and Angela Gossow of Arch Enemy had a lovechild she would have the vocalizations of Krysta Cameron. Accompanied by the most sporadic drum parts, brutal riffs, and electronica programming the world has heard since the Number Twelve, Cameron and company have proved that they a promising future in the metal scene... assuming she doesn't develop vocal nodes first.

5) The Blueprint 3

by Jay-Z
I had always wished Jay-Z stuck to his retirement plan after The Blueprint 2. None of his latter albums were nearly as good as records prior to 2003. The man had already pa ssed his peak, and it was definitely time for someone else to reign as the King of Hip Hop. However, throughout the last couple years, hip hop has been tainted by cheesy hooks, frail beats, and this godforsaken craze called "auto tune." The king had to put a death to it all, thus creating The Blueprint 3. Though he assembled an all-star team of featured artists and strong beat makers, Jay-Z's rhymes still remain the highlight of the only rap album that stuck out to me this year. Clap for 'em. The ruler's back!

4) Octahedron

by The Mars Volta
I have always proclaimed The Mars Volta as the Led Zeppelin of our time. Renowned for their experimental, fast-paced, "operas," the prog-rock duo calmed things down a bit for their fifth studio release, Octahedron. Sounding more similar to Pink Floyd (if Pink Flo yd was fronted by Geddy Lee) than Zeppelin, TMV describes this year's release as their acoustic albu m. Don't worry Volta fans, Omar can still tear up the guitar.

3) Mean Everything to Nothing

by Manchester Orchestra
Have you ever danced and cried at the same time? Well, thanks to Manchester Orchestra's sophomore album, you can finally experience it! The quintet from Georgia took nearly three years to release a new album, but in the end they exceeded the hype and earned themselves a spot in the top 50 on the Billboard charts. This radio friendly disc is one of the more memorable albums of the year. If you're going on a road trip, this CD is for you.

2) Beggars

by Thrice
In the last three consecutive years Thrice has released a new album, and each time they surpassed my expectations. The once punk/post-hardcore band have been dramatically changing their sound with every record. Since their 2005 release of Vheissu, the group left their major label and decided to undertake a conceptual project, The Alchemy Index, based on the four elements: fire, water, earth, and air. These four, six-track EP's forced Thrice to create a sound for each element, enabling them to expand their musical boundaries. After this process was complete the pressure of writing songs that stayed on-task was over. By now the band had gone through enough musical experiments to finally find their true sound. In result, Beggars was born. I cannot say enough good things about Thrice's musicianship and songwriting proficiency. There is a reason all three of their last albums have reached my top ten list every year. Take a listen and let their art speak for itself.

1) Far

by Regina Spektor
Three years and four producers later, Regina Spektor finally completed the follow up to her successful album, Begin to Hope. The moment I heard she was releasing a new album this year, I began to hope that it would be even half as good as her last. Though it is debatable, I was pleasantly surprised - if not overwhelmed - to hear that Far was equally catchy, soulful, and cute as her other work. Her story telling ability is a talent incomparable to any other artist I have heard to date. Many times when an artist writes songs with deep and serious topics such as religion, self-worth, and politics, they are done so in an explicit manner. Spektor is much more subtle in the sense that she addresses such topics in a whimsical, almost childlike affectation. All in all, her anti-folk style and bluesy, yet perky vocals put her at the top of my list by "far."

This list is solely based on my own opinions and musical taste. I'm curious, what are your favorite albums of 2009?

- Alexander McCurdy

if you like spaghetti...

2009-12-16T13:40:00.002-05:00

Save Money

2009-12-11T19:49:00.004-05:00

dear my dearest thomas/ december will tell no lies/ and though it brings no promise/ i saw him with my own two eyes/ the rock was moved by father/ with no help from the baffled outside/ believe when i say i was born again today/ but by night i will reach my demise

tomorrow is not coming/ tonight is our final night/ we're counting sheep cuz we'll never sleep/ if morning don't bring sunrise/ how many stars can be torn from the sky/ before we can say goodbye?

nothing lasts forever/ even memories fade to gray/ a man can only endeavor so much/ before he can't hold up the weight

tomorrow is not coming/ tonight is our final night/ we're wiping our faces, but water replaces/ the spot we were trying to dry/ how many tears must one girl cry/ before she can say goodbye?

doubt me/ that's fine/ doubt me/ and i'll try again/ but how many rivers can one man dry/ before he can say goodbye?

- Alexander McCurdy

Eats Them

2009-12-09T19:23:00.005-05:00

on the right side of the bed/ there's a monster in your head/ on this unholy ground he conjures up the hounds/ that surround you with unremitting dread

in the corner of your eye/ waits a ghost of wicked reply/ you can beg, you can plead, but you'll have to concede/ in the end your end draws nigh/ now's the time to say your goodbyes

in the stillness of the night/ there's a wayward shelter in sight/ open up the door if you dare to see more/ of this gruesome and gory plight/ can't escape, though try as you might

if your God don't intervene/ to ward off these vicious fiends/ then soon you'll be laid in your tomb by the shade/ through worlds you'll be caught in between/ until the Devil can be convened

- afm

emo music update

2009-12-09T03:00:00.001-05:00

Alex McCurdy is pretty sure he is going to be the next Gavin Castleton, but not in the sense that he will be extremely talented and creative, but rather in the sense that music will consume his life, yet he will never be famous, and in the end he will only write songs with spiteful lyrics about never succeeding.

(Sorry, Arlon, but) This One's Not for You

2009-11-27T18:14:00.006-05:00

this wary wood birch/ won't bloom until the spring/ and all its leaves have yet to fall/ you and i/ we still have time to get our coats/ and pick the remnants from their roots/ i will rake them/ bundle them up and take them/ to their new abode/ in the middle of the road

what life is changing here?/ purge the water, dear/ purify my colored mind/ with fallen leaves and stagnant fears/ my only hope is holding onto something real/ but no verity is clear/ at least not here

if you're afraid to love me/ then i'll save you from fear itself/ the unknown truth can't stop me now/ step upon me/ grind my soul beneath your soles/ a million steps can't keep me down/ or plant me in the ground/ without me growing/ into a brand new birch/ with outstretched branches/ for your lances to perch

breathe in and break my lungs/ take our pictures down/ my photograph looks so much better shattered on the ground/ my only hope is holding onto something real/ but i can't feel/ i can't feel!

im heading straight for a breakdown/ i won't be home by nine/ im heading straight out/ so break me down/ because i won't stop trying/ until you're done hiding/ i won't stop trying until you smile

- Alex McCurdy

you are not the grout that fills me

2009-11-26T22:32:00.004-05:00

im not exchanging gifts this year/or balancing any checks/ im at close range with a lift/ i fear my life is a wreck/and much like my check book/ i am unstable/ and unable to get back in check/ so check back in the morning/ if im in the same spot/ give me the push i need/ to move my tush off the floor/ and out the backdoor/ and onto the deck/ and over the rail/ so when i hit the rocky bottom/ it won't look like rock bottom/ only that i fell/ but really/ i FAILED!

- afm

Scenes We Have Seen from the Silver Screen (complete)

2009-11-25T18:16:00.000-05:00

The box awaits a single slate of procreated metaphors depicting when its only friend was locked outside the EXIT door. Swing faster and faster until this disaster is plastered onto the silver screen. The silver line is redefined as I blindly scribble the words you dribbled from Sibyl's prophetic, oracular schemes.

Pull the trigger, girl, but keep the safety on. Get used to the feeling of never getting what you want.

The box abates from its berated, congregated hosted uproar inflicting them with oxygen - an overdose for the final score. Spill cancerous cancer - defiled enhancers - on dancers dancing through the last scene. The last fight reignites the lightning from the springs of Juturna, so what has Sibyl truly seen?!

Pull the trigger, girl, but keep the safety on. Get used to the feeling of never getting what you want.

Pins and needles rest on the countertop. Pull the trigger, girl. Keep your pointer on the stop. The rise, the fall. You take it all and move into the liquor shop, but they won't sell you sweets in there, just, "Sweetie, how you doing? Would you like it if I top it off?"

Pull the trigger, girl, but keep the safety on. Get used to the feeling of never getting what you want.

- Alexander McCurdy

The Land is Silent, the Hand is Violent (complete)

2009-11-21T01:01:00.003-05:00

i'll take you by the river/ we can swim in it/ i'll teach you how to dive/ you can even reach bottom/ im skipping stones and skipping days of work/ but i swear having you is a job itself/ you're gripping sleeves, but slipping off and out to sea/ so if i were you and you were me, you'd be better off/ someone is speaking/ but i can't hear a thing/ someone is drinking/ sinking down to the bottom/ my dearest friend, i think i found a better home/ but if home is/ where the heart is then no wonder im alone/ unlike you and your dripping eyelids, i choose to be on my own/ so sit here until the fishes teach you how to roam/ someone is speaking/ but i can't hear a thing/ someone is drinking/ sinking down to the bottom/ i'll take you by the river/ we can swim in it/ i'll teach you how to dive/ you can even reach bottom

- Alex McCurdy

FREE DOWNLOADS! :D

2009-11-19T09:18:00.000-05:00

put it on your ijunks :)

- afm

The Alex Show - Episode 19

2009-11-14T10:11:00.006-05:00

close your eyes and tell me, how many fingers am i holding up? two. one for me and one for you. the last two fingers have consisted of the following:

potato salad. actual potatoes in lettuce with mixed vegetables and a bitter balsamic
the confrontational roach. he glares, but he paralyzes nothing. also, he has perished... and by perished, i mean that he never should have scampered about my leg. i have a deadly scratch attack
the office. i am not jim halpert! i am not jim halpert! i am not jim halpert! i am not jim halpert! i am not jim halpert! i am not jim halpert! i am not jim halpert! i am not jim halpert...
being jim halpert. in reality, that kind of witty banter is only tolerable for a good twenty minutes or so. if you continue any further, you're no better than the world's best boss
sasafras. i traveled to Africa, Australia (twice), PA, and Boring Land
Africa. they serve outstanding coffee here. strong and cheap. nothing like that one mermaid who has been making big bucks by selling stars
AUStralia 1. only in my dreams. if we were in Nice, then i wish i was a stone. at least then i would have a chance
AUStralia 2. catch up time only to find surprise after surprise (without any expression). no hmmm-ing involved
PA. ... is Gay
Boring Land. you woke up early on a Saturday morning to open up shop while still snoring. If there be something more then quit living in Bore!
Home. if my heart is here then it is no wonder that I am a bum
Waltman. "Fuck you so much!"

plenty more fell between the cracks, but i don't plan on getting them back. AUS1 also helped me realize that my world is still spinning, but i am no longer dizzy. in conclusion, there is no word from the south.

- Alex McCurdy

No Turkey Sandwich for Sleeping Babies!

2009-11-08T04:45:00.004-05:00

twenty years ago/ you were on the set/ looking good in your white jacket/ telling all your friends/ at least the two you had/ that you were happy for a second/ speed up the sideshow/ so everybody knows/ that your smile was just an act/ a mere accessory/ to hide that misery/ that you stabbed behind your back... long ago

sixteen years ago/ you gave up your throne/ your crown was made of smooth plastic/ you put the kids to bed/ at least the two you had/ held their hands like a father, monastic/ hush, don't say word/ moving will be deterred/ cuz every movement you make is drastic/ "goodnight, pleasant dreams/ love with all my heart"/ whiskers on my cheek from your chin... long ago

on the TV screen they are playing a brief segment of what i was trying/ not to see/ not to see/ yet i enjoyed the distraction/ cuz every abstraction took me/ further from where i wanted to be/ i enjoyed the distraction/ cuz every abstraction took me/ took me, took me, took me!

if you don't speak then i will rest assured/ when my thumbs are numb and my speech is slurred/ if you can't sink into the ground tonight/ then i was never wrong and you were never right

- Alexander McCurdy

"The Alex Show" Update

2009-11-05T07:26:00.002-05:00

I couldn't become more self-involved if I tried.

CLICK HERE ---> THE ALEX SHOW

- afm

The Alex Show - Episode 18

2009-11-04T04:07:00.003-05:00

how can i connect my ideas about thoughtless webs spinning crisscross patterns in my toss'd head? the silky layers spread and reflect like lanterns against mirrored ground all across the membranous town - guiding my feet, forcing them to leap nineteen steps at a time until they fall out of line and out of sync with the thoughts i presumably think. or thought. please understand that the effort to articulate could easily be made if i could simply create, but no thanks to apollo, i have swallowed every slate which once enabled me to sketch or sculpt or paint. now the daintiest of rhymes resemble the faintest of times when my following of readers once considered me a saint. my mouth wears a restraint to hold these thoughts in place in case my internal chatter starts to eternally splatter throughout the web my spider spun. now these run-on sentences can no longer run when their legs are not eight, but fewer than one. the meaning behind the lie is: demeaning refined replies of any time my crooked mind had tried to spit the spider out like the spout full of rain.

ASIDE: but what if my brain is dry?

what if my mind is a drought of good thinking? then why am i sinking if the water is shrinking? one cannot sink in a deep-seated drought no more than a mute can sing or shout. i am no mute, however, so i shout to the spider to flee from my skull, but he is too clever, so deeper he crawls until my thoughts are not thinking of anything at all except what they will catch or what they'll enthrall, but not to absorb, only to survive, so the lessons i learn will not be contrived or devised in the least, instead they will spin like a web from the mouth of spidery twin who looks much like myself but bears nothing within. he just wears my skin and an unsettling grin. flash flash flash spin spin spin hello, alex. let us begin.

- Alexander McCurdy

btdkyd (imrpovised)

2009-11-03T15:44:00.003-05:00

i hear the call/ ring in my deafened ear/ this signal obscured awakes the sleeping age/ that trapped my mind/ but now that bind is through/ where is the cursor/ that split the earth in two/ i was arranged/ to build this world anew/ this is the time to rebuild what's mine/ this is the final throw/ this is the time to reopen your eyes/ and see what we can bestow/ awaken/ stand up/ and purge the world below/ relinquish/ this rust/ undertake the plateau/ a long time ago/ i once knew the smell of air/ that sense was ripped apart/ from this elusive affair/ buyers beware/ buyers beware/ i will purchase every soul/ you wouldn't dare/ no, you wouldn't dare regain control/ of my form/ hold your ghost between/ have you ever kissed your ghost between/ this is my form/ you can't even ask for your soul

- afm